There's no doubt that Chair's Infinity Blade [$5.99] is a technical wonder, but the included plot left us scratching our heads in our review. You see, what keeps Infinity Blade going is your (usually) inevitable death at the hand of the God King. Following this, your successor takes up your sword, equipment, and xp/gold to continue the fight against the God King. It's a little weird, especially since you'd think after your great grandpa, your grandpa, and your father were all killed fighting the same entity that perhaps you'd pursue a career in something other than God King slaying.

Penny Arcade agrees:

Even though the story of the game can get a little ridiculous, especially as you hit the 10th (or further) bloodline, Infinity Blade is still an awesome game that anyone with hardware capable of running it needs to check out. If this is the first you've heard of Penny Arcade, you've likely got an afternoon full of going through their back catalog ahead of you, as it's one of my favorite web comics that any gamer should love.

  • thewiirocks

    The only thing worse is when you WIN the game. Your offspring then comes back and states, "I shall avenge you, father!" At which point you're left scratching your head... avenge WHAT exactly? And why is the guy back with the blade? Didn't I just kill him 20 years ago? What the heck?

    • Defcubusal

      Wow, spoiler alert here folks.

      • Anonymous

        If you haven't gotten that far you shouldn't be on this site... There. I said it.

      • Paradigmino

        Now my Children are going to come back and avenge my spoiled iPhone game plot.

      • thewiirocks

        More spoilers: If you die while fighting the God King, your kid will pop up 20 years later and vow to avenge you! Just like when you win. Shocking, I know.

    • Haven

      Actually after you kill the God king you go out to avenge the GOD KING's son....so its like endless XD good graphics

  • BRAMSEY89

    And now you guys find out that it was a horrible game sugar-coated with graphics to distract you.

    Sure took you a while, but I'm glad you found out eventually.

    • Pahncrd

      Nope, it was actually quite fun.

    • http://www.facebook.com/glaringradio Steven Got Snowdon

      Or how about a web-comic has decided to comment on what we already know? It is a pretty shit story sugar-coated with a brilliant game to distract us.

    • Tikicobra

      No, it's a great game with great graphics as an added bonus.

  • Jesushair

    Are there not some GAMES out there that you should be reviewing? and I don't mean the same damn games you've already covered 100 times!

    • Thaurin

      I think you're mistaking this site for an iOS game review site.

      • Jesushair

        Opps sorry.. seems I missunderstood the site name ;)

      • http://toucharcade.com Eli Hodapp

        "Touch Arcade: iPod Touch, iPad, and iPhone Games, Reviews, and News"

        The "and News" being the pertinent part here. ;)

  • Akira01

    Very funny !!!

    • Rodriguez

      Really?
      That comic strip wasnt even good enough for a single smirk in my case...

  • Simon

    I think Penny Arcade has been off the boil for a while now. They spend too much time talking about their tabletop role playing games and obscure indie titles. They seem to avoid commenting on the big games unless they have something positive to say. I don't know what's changed but it's not as good as it used to be.

  • Guest

    For me story is the motivation to play any game. I don't care how pretty or ugly it is, gameplay mechanics (how you interact with the game, the human interface) and story matter above all else.

  • T. Payton

    Hey can you guys be more careful in posting profanity (I know it wasn't yours but it is in the cartoon). I for one am a dad would who would hate to limit my kids access to your typically fantastic TouchArcade site.

    • Nameless

      Are you serious? Here we are on a site that shows games which contain murder, slashing, blood, guns, violence, war etc., but as soon as someone mentions the "f" word, you are worried your kids will be traumatized?

      • Tonkyflaps

        I'm guessing Mr T is a patriot of good old America, Yeeee Harrrr pichown pichown, they can deal with violence and shitting all over "other" people, but OH LORRRDY don't show them nipples or use emotive language or they may have to wash their eyes and ears out wit the good lorrrdys own god soap and then shoot you in the face for makin en do that XD

  • Anonymous

    LOL - as an older gamer who grew up during the Defender, Asteroids, etc. era, I'm still driven by great game play, and could care less how visually stunning a game is. I do own Infinity Blade, and I have to say, technically, it's fantastic; game play is better than I expected. The thing is, after a few days, I lost interest and went back to a number of other games I've been playing for months, all of which have way inferior graphics. Same applies to Rage HD - which I played even less then IB.

    • Rodriguez

      Funny, considering Asteroids and similar old games had zero story and super simplistic gameplay. They were only played because there were no other video games available (or they were even worse)...
      If IB would have been made back in the days for some arcade machine people would still say how awesome it was even after 20 years, ignoring all faults and shallow story...

  • Sam

    dare I click on penny arcade's website so late at night? or indeed ever?

  • http://twitter.com/ezonecom Simon Edis

    My favorite part in Infinity Blade is when you open a treasure chest right in front of the God King, and he just sits there and lets you steal right from under his nose. Maybe he doesn't do anything because he knows he's going to kill you in a minute anyway...

    • Philipp Lenssen

      Does he also know you constructed a secret underground passage which enables your uncle to sneak into the castle, collect whatever you possessed, and bring it safe home to be inherited to your son in another 20 years?

      • thewiirocks

        Given the God King's comments after he kills you, I suspect he FedExs the armor home along with a note: "The God King killed your father. Use this armor to avenge him!"

        I mean, it only makes sense, right? After all, the God King does position handy weapons kiosks throughout the castle. Clearly you're applying for a job. The whole "travel the castle" thing is just an internship. If your employment doesn't work out, the God king terminates you.

        Think of it like: "The Apprentice: Medieval Edition"

  • Cask

    when you beat the God King, he says "Now they will come after you" or something like that, which means that you actually become the God King, and your son comes to fight now against you, I suppose the son thinks the God King killed his father, when in reality the God King is him.........Very convenient to keep the bloodlines going....

  • ForkySpoony

    The sons are the effect of the god king making you the catalyst in the beginning. He wants someone strong to join him. So, he gives you a eternity to become stronger. That's why after he beats you he says to call him when the next bloodline comes

  • klokanko

    Infinity Blade is the first real iPhone killer app.

    It is a story of iPhone and generations of iPhone killers that all fail, no matter what they do or how good they are.

  • klokanko

    Infinity Blade is the first real iPhone killer app.

    It is a story of iPhone and generations of iPhone killers that all fail, no matter what they do or how good they are.