414903_5I like to think of my mental awesome-o-meter, that is, the gauge I use to determine how awesome a game is as something similar to one of those really old analog pressure gauges you might find on a submarine somewhere. Every so often a game comes along that is just so terrible that the ol' awesome-o-meter goes so far in to the red that it comes back up on the other side. Enviro-Bear 2010 [App Store], my friends, is a game which causes this phenomenon.

Yes, Enviro-Bear 2010 is a bear driving a car simulator where you have five minutes to fatten yourself up and drive to your cave in preparation for winter. The controls are hilariously awful, and while the iPhone may be capable of multi-touch gestures, as a bear driving a car you only have one free paw which is what you use to drive around and scarf down food.

414903_2

You can use your single paw to do all kinds of things, from putting the car in to drive or reverse, throwing just about anything (including the clock tracking your remaining time) out the window, and defending yourself from badgers. The driving controls provide as realistic of an experience as I can imagine if I were a bear driving a car, since you can either steer or use the pedals. With only one paw, how could you both at the same time?

It wasn't until I played the game through a few cycles of winter that I started to realize the depth of how much you can interact with the world. Such a seemingly terrible game at first glance really has a odd level of detail, especially when you start thinking outside the box, or rather-- Thinking like a bear, driving a car.

414903_4For instance, the horrid combination of constantly switching between the gas and steering is completely remedied by something so simple that it hadn't even crossed my mind until I saw someone mention it in the thread on our forums. If you ram your car in to a boulder, a piece of rock will fall off, and you can use that rock to hold the gas pedal down.

Enviro-Bear 2010 is filled with all kinds of really weird functionality of interaction between objects that you never would expect. This realization transformed the game for me from a comically bad driving game to a clever, imaginative, and strangely enjoyable experience. (And I'm not the only one).

If you are looking for a completely ridiculous game with graphics so bad that they're good and really awkward bear-inspired controls, look no further than Enviro-Bear 2010. Sure, you could buy better things for a dollar, but do those things involve a world where bears drive cars?

I didn't think so.

App Store Link: Enviro-Bear 2010, 99¢

TouchArcade Rating

  • http://www.astrosaurus.com astrosaurus

    Bought it, love it, no regrets.

  • http://www.astrosaurus.com astrosaurus

    Bought it, love it, no regrets.

  • http://www.squarezerostudio.com Jose

    "If you ram your car in to a boulder, a piece of rock will fall off, and you can use that rock to hold the gas pedal down."

    Actually, you can do the same thing with the clock.

    And yes, this is by far the best bear driving simulation on the App Store.

    • Jim

      You can say that again: I even deleted Real Racing. Hear that Firemint; I laugh at your polished masterpiece. I only hope you will soon add bears in an update to keep in step with current trends.

      • http://www.squarezerostudio.com squarezero

        Funny -- I made the "mistake" of playing Need for Speed immediately after playing Envirobear and I found the experience curiously unsatisfying. I kept thinking "what this game needs is freaking bear behind the wheel". Damn you, Envirobear! You've ruined driving games for me!

      • digital jeSuS

        sarcasm foreva'

  • http://www.squarezerostudio.com Jose

    "If you ram your car in to a boulder, a piece of rock will fall off, and you can use that rock to hold the gas pedal down."

    Actually, you can do the same thing with the clock.

    And yes, this is by far the best bear driving simulation on the App Store.

    • Jim

      You can say that again: I even deleted Real Racing. Hear that Firemint; I laugh at your polished masterpiece. I only hope you will soon add bears in an update to keep in step with current trends.

      • http://www.squarezerostudio.com squarezero

        Funny -- I made the "mistake" of playing Need for Speed immediately after playing Envirobear and I found the experience curiously unsatisfying. I kept thinking "what this game needs is freaking bear behind the wheel". Damn you, Envirobear! You've ruined driving games for me!

      • digital jeSuS

        sarcasm foreva'

  • http://www.hiddenappgems.com Jaden

    I have that game too.
    You beat me to it! I was going to review it on my site tomorrow. Well I guess this isn't really a review, but still.

  • http://www.hiddenappgems.com Jaden

    I have that game too.
    You beat me to it! I was going to review it on my site tomorrow. Well I guess this isn't really a review, but still.

  • http://www.hiddenappgems.com Jaden

    HAHA!
    Apparently Touch Arcade has a sense of humor! One of the tags is "Bear Driving Simulator". I bet there are a lot of games in that category.

  • http://www.hiddenappgems.com Jaden

    HAHA!
    Apparently Touch Arcade has a sense of humor! One of the tags is "Bear Driving Simulator". I bet there are a lot of games in that category.

  • vaelsh

    I just now saw/realized that while you are eating and driving around, every time you eat something, the meter on the dash goes up, indicating how much longer 'til you have to hibernate. I am definitely going to have to try using the clock to hold that pedal to the metal!

  • vaelsh

    I just now saw/realized that while you are eating and driving around, every time you eat something, the meter on the dash goes up, indicating how much longer 'til you have to hibernate. I am definitely going to have to try using the clock to hold that pedal to the metal!

  • Spek

    I'm a little dissapointed this didn't include a video.

    • Spek

      oops im dumb. it does.

  • Spek

    I'm a little dissapointed this didn't include a video.

    • Spek

      oops im dumb. it does.

  • Oliath

    hahahah thank you so much for posting this and the video. it really cheered me up. It looks hillariously charming.

    I think i might buy it just for a giggle.

  • Oliath

    hahahah thank you so much for posting this and the video. it really cheered me up. It looks hillariously charming.

    I think i might buy it just for a giggle.

  • arn

    dev says 2.2 compatibility coming soon. apparently 3.0 requirement was an oversight.

    arn

  • arn

    dev says 2.2 compatibility coming soon. apparently 3.0 requirement was an oversight.

    arn

  • Colonel Molerat

    This game is fantttttastic! In a way...
    I have to say, I don't regret buying it at all!
    It works fine on my 3.0 iPod Touch, too.
    It's the closest thing to bear car-racing I've ever seen!

  • Colonel Molerat

    This game is fantttttastic! In a way...
    I have to say, I don't regret buying it at all!
    It works fine on my 3.0 iPod Touch, too.
    It's the closest thing to bear car-racing I've ever seen!

  • http://torley.com Torley

    HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA good gosh that was LOLARIOUS! I wonder how that video was made? Looks so clean and crisp and doesn't show a finger — iPhone simulator? (I'm tempted to ask the makers now.)

    The graphics have a retro vibe like some of the homebrew 80s stuff I saw. Ah, a time before non-dithered gradients.

  • http://torley.com Torley

    HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA good gosh that was LOLARIOUS! I wonder how that video was made? Looks so clean and crisp and doesn't show a finger — iPhone simulator? (I'm tempted to ask the makers now.)

    The graphics have a retro vibe like some of the homebrew 80s stuff I saw. Ah, a time before non-dithered gradients.

  • Spank

    kewl

  • Spank

    kewl

  • Viva

    Cant believe they let bullshit like this into the app store, whata waste of time.

    • greenjerk

      GTFO

    • Ram Jam

      If you can't see why this game is charming and funny then I really feel sorry for you. What a sad way to go through life.

    • will

      yeh, get a sense of humour mate

  • Viva

    Cant believe they let bullshit like this into the app store, whata waste of time.

    • greenjerk

      GTFO

    • Ram Jam

      If you can't see why this game is charming and funny then I really feel sorry for you. What a sad way to go through life.

    • will

      yeh, get a sense of humour mate

  • menom

    sometimes something can be so ludicrously bad that it transcends the laws of nature and becomes good - a bit like CSI Miami

    • jon

      haha +1 for that!

  • menom

    sometimes something can be so ludicrously bad that it transcends the laws of nature and becomes good - a bit like CSI Miami

    • jon

      haha +1 for that!

  • munkee

    I thought arn said Touch Arcade only reviews games they like (blake with Retro games), have big names (Sonic, Assassin's Creed), or many people are interested in (DinoSmash).

    I don't know they're know doing reviews for the sake of laughing the game as well. What's next? App reviews?

    • Eli Hodapp

      I liked this game a lot, that's why I wrote it up. ;)

      • munkee

        ok then :)

    • Roger

      Get a sense of humor.

      Besides we're not laughing AT the game, we're laughing WITH it. Big difference.

  • http://deleted munkee

    I thought arn said Touch Arcade only reviews games they like (blake with Retro games), have big names (Sonic, Assassin's Creed), or many people are interested in (DinoSmash).

    I don't know they're know doing reviews for the sake of laughing the game as well. What's next? App reviews?

    • Eli Hodapp

      I liked this game a lot, that's why I wrote it up. ;)

      • http://deleted munkee

        ok then :)

    • Roger

      Get a sense of humor.

      Besides we're not laughing AT the game, we're laughing WITH it. Big difference.

  • acidbottle

    i lol'd at the mad badger!

    im contemplating grabbin this for its novelty value.

  • acidbottle

    i lol'd at the mad badger!

    im contemplating grabbin this for its novelty value.

  • pilz

    like the sound.

  • pilz

    like the sound.

  • Falcon

    Best $0.99 I've spent on the app store.

    Be careful not to stab yourself in the eye. Bear doesn't like that much.

  • Falcon

    Best $0.99 I've spent on the app store.

    Be careful not to stab yourself in the eye. Bear doesn't like that much.

  • Yog Shoggoth

    It's funny and silly because it's so bad. Shame how unforgiving people are when faced with something of high quality and gameplay at the same price gets slaughtered by the people just because it's not their "cup of tea".

    Maybe devs should make nothing but deliberate junk...

    But is it an MMO?

    • Falcon

      Crackerblocks, I think that if you kept the game 100% the same, but added a hula girl to the dashboard and called it Enviro-Bear 2011, I would pay another 99 cents to own that version as well.

      • Vod

        Make that two of us ;-)

      • Yog Shoggoth

        The hula girl might tip me over the edge. Especially if it's an in-app purhase...

  • Yog Shoggoth

    It's funny and silly because it's so bad. Shame how unforgiving people are when faced with something of high quality and gameplay at the same price gets slaughtered by the people just because it's not their "cup of tea".

    Maybe devs should make nothing but deliberate junk...

    But is it an MMO?

    • Falcon

      Crackerblocks, I think that if you kept the game 100% the same, but added a hula girl to the dashboard and called it Enviro-Bear 2011, I would pay another 99 cents to own that version as well.

      • Vod

        Make that two of us ;-)

      • Yog Shoggoth

        The hula girl might tip me over the edge. Especially if it's an in-app purhase...

  • http://germany-today.co.uk Sam

    this is the weirdest thing i've even seen....

  • http://germany-today.co.uk Sam

    this is the weirdest thing i've even seen....

  • http://www.jindofox.com jindofox

    Move over, Nintendo "Art Style" games -- this is art and it has style.

    Thanks for featuring this, TouchArcade, I never would have found this on my own.

  • http://www.jindofox.com jindofox

    Move over, Nintendo "Art Style" games -- this is art and it has style.

    Thanks for featuring this, TouchArcade, I never would have found this on my own.

  • dave

    i think it is brillant in concept and execution

  • dave

    i think it is brillant in concept and execution

  • Lord Gek

    Is there any kind of end score and, more importantly, does the game record this score for you locally?

  • Lord Gek

    Is there any kind of end score and, more importantly, does the game record this score for you locally?

  • mrholder

    Are you people serious. Did you really buy this? I guess it will be a cult classic.

  • mrholder

    Are you people serious. Did you really buy this? I guess it will be a cult classic.

  • http://www.blakespot.com Blake Patterson

    This so reminds me of Toonces, the driving cat.

  • http://www.blakespot.com Blake Patterson

    This so reminds me of Toonces, the driving cat.

  • Adams Immersive

    Fun, yes. But 99 cents ?!?! This game is worth at least $1.38! Finally, a driving game with a realistic number of fish falling through the windshield.

    And overly long arms. Finally, overly long arm(s) come to iPhone.

    • Aerospeed

      You mean it's worth a whole 39¢ more than what the devs are asking? Wow!

  • Adams Immersive

    Fun, yes. But 99 cents ?!?! This game is worth at least $1.38! Finally, a driving game with a realistic number of fish falling through the windshield.

    And overly long arms. Finally, overly long arm(s) come to iPhone.

    • Aerospeed

      You mean it's worth a whole 39¢ more than what the devs are asking? Wow!

  • http://www.buzzabit.com/aaron Aaron Sullivan

    Awesome!

    I must say, I'm a bit disappointed that the clock works. The rock thing was genius. The clock, not so much.

    With all the talk about how "bad" this game is, I'm trying to figure out what's bad about it, besides the intentionally amateur/oldschool graphics that some would call bad. I mean the imagery serves the purpose of the game very well and is quite clear. I guess the longevity isn't there. It's a bit too shallow and short... but it's cheap enough to offset that. Not really seeing the bad here unless you expected something more realistic out of a bear driving simulator.

    The driving along with the on-the-dash interactions is great stuff and fun once you realize that it's VERY difficult to drive with a single bear hand. lol.

    My favorite revelation was when you see the other cars are also driven by bears. lol. And when you realize you have to manage the JUNK to succeed.

    @Viva:
    Lighten up! Games are supposed to be FUN. Seems like you might have forgotten or never realized. :(

    • Yog Shoggoth

      I have to confess I was sceptical about it's actual depth beyond the amusement factor, but there really is a very clever and well constructed game beneath the funny programmer graphics. Quite a refreshing change :)

  • http://www.buzzabit.com/aaron Aaron Sullivan

    Awesome!

    I must say, I'm a bit disappointed that the clock works. The rock thing was genius. The clock, not so much.

    With all the talk about how "bad" this game is, I'm trying to figure out what's bad about it, besides the intentionally amateur/oldschool graphics that some would call bad. I mean the imagery serves the purpose of the game very well and is quite clear. I guess the longevity isn't there. It's a bit too shallow and short... but it's cheap enough to offset that. Not really seeing the bad here unless you expected something more realistic out of a bear driving simulator.

    The driving along with the on-the-dash interactions is great stuff and fun once you realize that it's VERY difficult to drive with a single bear hand. lol.

    My favorite revelation was when you see the other cars are also driven by bears. lol. And when you realize you have to manage the JUNK to succeed.

    @Viva:
    Lighten up! Games are supposed to be FUN. Seems like you might have forgotten or never realized. :(

    • Yog Shoggoth

      I have to confess I was sceptical about it's actual depth beyond the amusement factor, but there really is a very clever and well constructed game beneath the funny programmer graphics. Quite a refreshing change :)

  • http://www.buzzabit.com/aaron Aaron Sullivan

    Btw, I think people are being quite serious. I know I'm not joking. It can be frustrating at first, but then... you stop to think about what you're doing. It's actually not that easy and takes some getting used to.

    As someone mentioned the sound effects are very nice. Really helps the game actually.

    My only real complaint is that there seems to be some issues with the polygon sorting or some billboards disappearing.

  • http://www.buzzabit.com/aaron Aaron Sullivan

    Btw, I think people are being quite serious. I know I'm not joking. It can be frustrating at first, but then... you stop to think about what you're doing. It's actually not that easy and takes some getting used to.

    As someone mentioned the sound effects are very nice. Really helps the game actually.

    My only real complaint is that there seems to be some issues with the polygon sorting or some billboards disappearing.

  • http://www.hbdia.com IzzyNobre

    I say without joking that this is the best game I've seen all year.

    Many game developers try to make their games elicit emotional responses from the gamer but I'll tell this much, I haven't laughed this hard at seeing a gameplay video in a long time, if ever.

    Buying it right now.

  • http://www.hbdia.com IzzyNobre

    I say without joking that this is the best game I've seen all year.

    Many game developers try to make their games elicit emotional responses from the gamer but I'll tell this much, I haven't laughed this hard at seeing a gameplay video in a long time, if ever.

    Buying it right now.

  • http://www.deathbyvanilla.com Wilson

    Maybe the developer was inspired by Clerks: The Animated Series...
    WHO IS DRIVING CAR? BEAR IS DRIVING CAR! HOW CAN THAT BE?!

    • hfabulous

      Since I read this article, I've been saying that all day.

      BIG AMERICAN PARTY!

  • http://www.deathbyvanilla.com Wilson

    Maybe the developer was inspired by Clerks: The Animated Series...
    WHO IS DRIVING CAR? BEAR IS DRIVING CAR! HOW CAN THAT BE?!

    • hfabulous

      Since I read this article, I've been saying that all day.

      BIG AMERICAN PARTY!

  • Dave95

    HAHAHAHAHA.......I'm just wondering what was the inspiration for such a masterpiece lol. Is this Yellowstone National Park in 2010? Where all the naive tourists and their cars get confiscated by bears? LOLZ

  • Dave95

    HAHAHAHAHA.......I'm just wondering what was the inspiration for such a masterpiece lol. Is this Yellowstone National Park in 2010? Where all the naive tourists and their cars get confiscated by bears? LOLZ

  • Adams Immersive

    A fascinating glimpse into the future. This is what 2010 will be like.

    And what makes enviro-bears different from regular bears? They drive gas-guzzling clunkers which are slower than walking :)

  • Adams Immersive

    A fascinating glimpse into the future. This is what 2010 will be like.

    And what makes enviro-bears different from regular bears? They drive gas-guzzling clunkers which are slower than walking :)

  • http://myspace.com/battlebornmusic Battle Born

    I think the bears and Peetre Lamb should duke it out

  • http://myspace.com/battlebornmusic Battle Born

    I think the bears and Peetre Lamb should duke it out

  • dave

    having bought it, the controls are frustrating. On plus side, seeing bear get frustrated driving and roar is hilarious

    • rytrasmi

      May i remind you that a bear is driving the car.

      A bear.

      • Yog Shoggoth

        My girl says it's a man in a suit.

  • dave

    having bought it, the controls are frustrating. On plus side, seeing bear get frustrated driving and roar is hilarious

    • rytrasmi

      May i remind you that a bear is driving the car.

      A bear.

      • Yog Shoggoth

        My girl says it's a man in a suit.

  • ibwb

    Bought it, started to play it. First thing that happens: I see a fish and start grabbing for it. Accidentally get the steering wheel and the car flips over. Sheer awesome.

  • ibwb

    Bought it, started to play it. First thing that happens: I see a fish and start grabbing for it. Accidentally get the steering wheel and the car flips over. Sheer awesome.

  • maikelg

    This kinda reminds me of Fozzie Bear driving his Studebaker in the Muppet Movie. Also, developers, if you are reading this, could you please add a "drunk bear" mode in a next update, that would be hilarious, and more bear swearing please :-P

  • maikelg

    This kinda reminds me of Fozzie Bear driving his Studebaker in the Muppet Movie. Also, developers, if you are reading this, could you please add a "drunk bear" mode in a next update, that would be hilarious, and more bear swearing please :-P

  • http://powso.com Totalsam

    Definitely going to DL this when I get home. Kudos to the developers for thinking outside the box on wheels.

    Zzzzzing!

  • http://powso.com Totalsam

    Definitely going to DL this when I get home. Kudos to the developers for thinking outside the box on wheels.

    Zzzzzing!

  • mrtnd

    fan-friggin-tastic!

  • mrtnd

    fan-friggin-tastic!

  • Sn7ke

    Iphone needs more stuff like this

  • Sn7ke

    Iphone needs more stuff like this

  • weisome

    This game SUCKS.... but that's how it is so cool. :D

  • weisome

    This game SUCKS.... but that's how it is so cool. :D

  • http://www.blakespot.com Blake Patterson

    All yesterday I drove around town using a single, unbending arm and an alarm clock.

  • http://www.blakespot.com Blake Patterson

    All yesterday I drove around town using a single, unbending arm and an alarm clock.

  • Gilly

    What a blast! This is the "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" of iPhone/PTouch apps. :D

  • Gilly

    What a blast! This is the "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" of iPhone/PTouch apps. :D

  • sdfsdf

    this is a effing joke

  • sdfsdf

    this is a effing joke

  • Mats

    Awesome. Both my colleague and I bought this within a minute of seeing the gameplay video.

    Hands down Best Bear driving simulator in the app store!

  • Mats

    Awesome. Both my colleague and I bought this within a minute of seeing the gameplay video.

    Hands down Best Bear driving simulator in the app store!

  • Yo Bro

    I hope they port this over to Android! That would be awesome!!

  • Yo Bro

    I hope they port this over to Android! That would be awesome!!

  • http://www.gregorwright.com Gregor

    I'm buying an iPhone for this.

  • http://www.gregorwright.com Gregor

    I'm buying an iPhone for this.

  • Kita

    The astroturfing for this game is unbelievable.....

  • Kita

    The astroturfing for this game is unbelievable.....

  • Mister Mike

    OK I just stumbled across this site, and this DIFFERENT app. Fantastic! I want to go and buy it right now. I just hope there will be no issues with my iPhone 4 and iOS4 (upgraded already) so we shall see! TOO COOL! In hindsight, this really reminds me of MY OWN driving. Especially the random fish coming through the windshield. Terrific!

  • Mister Mike

    OK I just stumbled across this site, and this DIFFERENT app. Fantastic! I want to go and buy it right now. I just hope there will be no issues with my iPhone 4 and iOS4 (upgraded already) so we shall see! TOO COOL! In hindsight, this really reminds me of MY OWN driving. Especially the random fish coming through the windshield. Terrific!

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    And the biggest advantage is it is in your budget.
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