'Stair Dismount Touch' Not Coming Soon to the iPhone
posted by Blake Patterson on March 9th, 2009 2:09 PM EDT in Upcoming Games
Jani Kahrama of Secret Exit, creators of the highly acclaimed 3D puzzler Zen Bound, today made a post in our forums entitled "Stair Dismount Touch – The Official Thread of Denial and Misinformation," in which he clearly indicates that an adaptation of the company's original Mac/PC freeware title Stair Dismount will not soon be arriving in the App Store for the iPhone and iPod touch.
Having heard rumors to the contrary, we contacted Jani and pressed him on the matter. He was quick to inform us that any rumors of such a title in development at the Secret Exit labs are flat-out lies and that any screenshots that might appear on the net would certainly not represent a hypothetical product.
He did not, then, provide us with the following release.
Helsinki, March 9th, 2009 – Following the bipolar success of Zen Bound (the game in which nothing explodes), Secret Exit Headquarters has issued a formal statement denying the circulating rumors of a new Stair Dismount game being in development for iPhone and iPod touch.
"Dismounting is morally reprehensible." says Jani Kahrama, Mismanager of Studio, "It would be irresponsible of us (before securing plausible deniability) to announce an entertainment product in which abstract visuals together with realistic physics-simulated behavior and disturbingly accurate sound effects enable people of moral stability to amuse themselves with explorations into the effects of directed force."
Therefore, effective today, Secret Exit denies all facts about the ongoing development of such a game, Stair Dismount Touch. It is not in a playable shape, in late stages of development or available in the near future at a recession-friendly price point.
Features such as custom face support or a screen capture button for purpose of friendly email attachments are pure speculation and therefore vehemently denied.
Secret Exit is an independent game studio not in the business of developing games for iPhone and iPod touch. Secret Exit believes in the awesome power of press releases.
A release date has been determined (think about that one…), and it will not be released at an affordable price-point. Hoping that an iPhone version (were it to exist) would add the ability to customize the face on the game's ragdoll would be folly, and anticipating a screengrab feature that captures the dismount-moment to share with friends would be a fool's errand.
Readers can rest assured that, were a game called Stair Dismount Touch to, in fact, appear in the App Store, we would ignore it completely.
I am utterly confused by this post.
huh?
"He did [not?], then, provide us with the following release."
Denial and misinformation is the new rope and wood.
Funny post!
It's fairly obvious this entire announcement was written tongue-in-cheek. Get a sense of humor people!
publishing gimmick: confusing language makes you ponder the subject more. In short, this product will likely be released.
haha! well done.
hahaha. nice.
Stair Dismount for PC was all sorts of fun. I felt stupid playing it for hours on my PC, I feel it will be less stupid to play it on my phone.
Either way, i'll be nabbing this on launch. Can't wait
So Alex, does that mean you understood it then?
This game was so much fun! I can't wait for this to come out- hopefully free. And then maybe truck dismount? I would pay for an app that had both.
> Denial and misinformation is the new rope and wood.
Haha, great line.
LOVE IT
Thanks for the entertaining post.
"Try this at home!" is now tied with geoDefense's "Failure is an option!" for my favorite iPhone game line.
Too bad we'll never see this app. Oh well, I don't like iPhones anyway.
i was very confused at first, but it was fun.
In no way whatsoever is Secret Level employing the tried and true strategy of reverse psychology in order to hype up a completely non-existent game
well it is so unlike every other post on touch arcade I was a little thrown off.
LOL
I like it when devs doesn't take themselves too seriously. Bravo Secret Exit, I'll be looking forward to this.
If I had to guess, (I'm looking at the calendar) I'd say this app is coming in 3 weeks and two days. Anyone else want to make a guess?
So what does this mean for the Cinnamon Beats, on their forums they mention that CB and ZenBound would be released before Star Dismount. I'm looking forward to Cinnamon Beats, just wondering if they still plan on releasing it.
CB still needs love and caring before it's ready release.
Sweet… I can't wait for this game not to come out! (And I really hated the awesome sarcasm of the entire post…)
Wow, this further cements Secret Exit's reputation as an AWESOME dev.
For those of you who are STILL confused, it IS coming out.
I will not be waiting for Stair Dismount and I will not be buying it the day it's not released
In fact, I did not find this post funny at all!
Blake, Frand… very poorly executed!
-Not Jeremy
This post did NOT make my day. I did NOT laugh, or smirk smugly.
I would NEVER use the face personalization feature as I have no enemies or rivals.
It's Opposite day!
I look do NOT look forward to this game.
Honestly, Secret Exit might just be my favorite dev for the iPhone now.
This seriously needs an option to apply skins to the avatars; then you can push your boss, co-worker or mother-in-law down the stairs.
Put a template online, then users can edit and upload to Secret Exit's website; give them a key / password which they enter into the app, and that downloads their skin right into the app.
I'd buy it if you could do that.
I would rather hand my iphone to my x-girlfriend and push her down the stairs, but I guess this game would be cheaper in the long run…
had to read that one a couple times…
I'm guessing that by "A release date has been determined" since it's all backwards it means no release date is determined.
Well we have now some news about the project… Check out end of the thread for more.
http://forums.toucharcade.com/showthread.php?threadid=6645