This was posted on April Fool's day

I ran across what looked to be a little gem of a game in the App Store recently called Netflix [Free]. After a quick perusal of the screenshots, I quickly downloaded this free universal app. I was shocked at how many different titles it contained across many genres, easily trumping even the best all-in-one game box games on the App Store. Unfortunately, my experience with Netflix has been abysmal, and is akin to a bait-and-switch scam which should have never been allowed in the App Store.

To be fair, Netflix does contain an impressive list of titles. As I searched through the library of available games I came across such gems as BloodRayne, House of the Dead, Postal, Doom, and many, many more. My mouth was literally salivating as I though about being able to play these games anywhere and anytime on my iOS device.

The first problem I encountered is that immediately upon firing it up, Netflix requires you to visit an outside website to create an account before accessing the games. This wouldn’t be such a problem, but then you learn that Netflix is actually a freemium game where they actually want to charge you a monthly fee of at least $8 (with even more expensive plans available). This just reeks of shadiness, and I was appalled that they expect us to pay near the top of premium App Store pricing per month just to play a collection of games. If anything, it should be a one time fee of 99¢.

Since they do offer a 30 day free trial for their service, I decided to TOFTT (take one for the team) and subscribe to Netflix just to flex my journalistic muscle and dig a little deeper into their scam.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, it gets totally worse. Once I had jumped through every hoop Netflix had forced me to just to get access to their library, none of the games I tried out had any gameplay whatsoever. Instead, they consist of extended cinematics/cutscenes, some of which run more than an hour or two.

At this point, I was so completely soured on my experience with Netflix that not even a classic Super Mario Bros game could save my opinion of it. In an ironic twist of cruel fate, Netflix actually does have a listing for Super Mario Bros. but again it’s nothing more than an extended cutscene with terrible acting. I watched it anyway, mind you, all 104 minutes of it. But I immediately needed a shower afterwards. Check out the trailer below for a quick glimpse at the horror I subjected myself to:

Netflix appears to be a gamer’s dream come true with its staggering list of available titles, but if you’re looking for a competent compilation app you’ll need to look elsewhere. If you don’t mind just staring blankly at the screen watching extended cutscene after cutscene, then Netflix is incredibly competent in this area, just be prepared to fork over a steady stream of cash in order to conform to their freemium pricing structure. But if you’re like me, an extremely hardcore gamer that craves nonstop gameplay, then you’d be best served staying far, far away from the abomination that is Netflix.

TouchArcade Rating

  • Me

    C'mon, guys, this is getting really tired now.

    • Guest

      Not only that, but this one is just pathetic. Enough so, to where it's actually quite annoying.

      • anon

        REVIEW MISSION EUROPA!!!!!!

      • gobshite

        i heard that games a mess, complete crap is what ive been told from a good source as well...i wont be buying, you dont need spam comments to sell a game unless its garbage.

    • Dude

      you sir, need to look up satire...

      or perhaps funny to you is an episode of friends.

      • Me

        One or two posts like this on April 1st is expected; Boring but expected.

        But what are we up to now? 5?

  • Xexist

    I have to say I am a little surprised. This is one of my favorite games for the ipad. I guess they took the idea from final fantasy and ran with it. The more cutscenes and the longer they are the better. Where it falls short for me is requiring a data connection, otherwise this game gets 4.5 stars from me.

  • Mheusler1

    Worst April Fool's anything that I've ever seen....

  • Anonymous

    Sorry guys. You don't do comedy well, so don't fill a day's worth of posts with weak April Fools day spoofs. We come to your site for content, and we're not getting it.

    One well-crafted April Fools post would have been a better choice.

    • anon

      REVIEW

      MISSION

      EUROPA

      • Anonymous

        Is this considered spam?

      • 2mass2

        I flagged it. Getting tired of the fanbois and their bugfest of a so-called game.

    • http://www.facebook.com/bryan.m.mitchell Bryan Mitchell

      You are wrong.

    • http://www.facebook.com/bryan.m.mitchell Bryan Mitchell

      You are wrong.

    • http://www.facebook.com/bryan.m.mitchell Bryan Mitchell

      You are wrong.

    • http://www.facebook.com/bryan.m.mitchell Bryan Mitchell

      You are wrong.

    • Dude

      i would agree with you but i think they're pretty funny. also, they actually took the time out to write these up... which is pretty awesome in my book.

      • Extol4000

        I totally agree! Their efforts are greatly appreciated. Hilarious stuff!

  • http://www.facebook.com/bryan.m.mitchell Bryan Mitchell

    Hahaahaha. This was hilarious. Ignore the negative twelve year olds whose humor is clearly oriented towards fart jokes and poop. Brilliant satire flies right over their heads.

    • Me

      Yeah, reviewing a non-game as a game is such high-level cutting satire my tiny brain can't comprehend it.

      • Mrsmartiepants

        Good - you've pin pointed the problem.

  • http://morereasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.tumblr.com Chungyen Chang

    i lol'd tons at this one.

  • http://morereasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.tumblr.com Chungyen Chang

    i lol'd tons at this one.

  • http://morereasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.tumblr.com Chungyen Chang

    i lol'd tons at this one.

  • http://morereasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.tumblr.com Chungyen Chang

    i lol'd tons at this one.

  • fff

    A better use of this space would have been a discussion of how slow and unusable the Netflix app can be (at least on the iPhone).

  • Anonymous

    I loved this one - you and Hulu win best April Fools pranks thus far.

  • Anonymous

    I was supposed to laugh at this? Come on, everybody agrees that these april fools jokes is boring, especially on the internet... so WHY does the sites keep doing them?

    • Anonymous

      Plenty of people seem to enjoy that they does do them.

  • http://twitter.com/TheJesusFish Brendan Saricks

    YOU DUMMIES. THIS AINT NO GAME

  • Seriously Guys?

    seriously this stuff is funny. i don't quite get the people who don't understand the humor and satire behind this. TA staff, it gives me a good chuckle and brightens up my day. not really sure what people are complaining about. if you don't like it, don't effin read it. they aren't forcing you to read their jokes. and seriously... it's friggin' april fool's day. are you guys that uptight that this site has to be completely business all the time and lose the personality? even other sites do this... google, gizmodo, etc. so please loosen up a little!

    • Me

      "if you don't like it, don't effin read it."

      I'd be happy to if it did show up in my RSS reader.

      • anon

        I'm curious if posting this comment took more or less time than it would have to unsubscribe instead.

  • Crex

    yawn

  • Tgoulart

    I think u did not understood the netflix service, they do not offer games, but videos, series and movies.

    • GunBlade1190

      omg no wai!

  • Lee West

    THIS GAME IS SO ESSEY

    good one made me laugh. :D

  • Mr. Dave

    He should've tried the Taken game. I made that guy run all over Western and Eastern Europe kicking everyone's ass and rescuing the girl. There's no onscreen display for the controls, but it was like anytime I needed to punch or kick or drive the car, the controls were just intuitive and the guy did exactly what I wanted.

    • http://morereasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.tumblr.com Chungyen Chang

      The Resident Evil game was fuckin terrible. I tapped at all of the right moments to dodge the lasers, but my guys still got chopped up into little pieces. :(

  • http://twitter.com/mrqasim95 qasim

    I actually enjoyed reading this.. Not really sure why some people are complaining. It was actually funny.

  • http://twitter.com/mrqasim95 qasim

    I actually enjoyed reading this.. Not really sure why some people are complaining. It was actually funny.

  • http://twitter.com/mrqasim95 qasim

    I actually enjoyed reading this.. Not really sure why some people are complaining. It was actually funny.

  • http://twitter.com/mrqasim95 qasim

    I actually enjoyed reading this.. Not really sure why some people are complaining. It was actually funny.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZR2G3DGP6N2XX7H76E6K3RC5JE Nicholai Heijnen

    Jared, despite everyone's hatred for your post, I wanted you to know I laughed REALLY hard at this "review". Probably because after I read through the other April Fools jokes earlier and came back to now TA now, I honestly didn't expect any more joke posts. Still though, even after I realized the prank, I enjoyed every word.

    Thank you for this article :)

  • Friend

    ugh, seriously, other sites do April Fools jokes much better

    • Anonymous

      Like IGN's Harry Potter TV series? Herp derp.

  • Spunker

    fuck off with that review mission Europa crap in every comments, i will not buy that game now even if it is good due to your constant rambling about it, get a life u nerd.

  • Spunker

    gaymers/fanboys dont have much of a sense of humour do they, to serious.

  • Tjcavallo

    I am seriously confused. Is this supposed to be an April Fool's joke? It makes no sense. Do you seriously not know what Netflix is? Or are you trying to be funny? Seriously, come on.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, no, yes.

  • Fix

    I immediately need a shower to after reading all this ^^

  • Dude

    Not even well written

  • Deatarus

    You totally got me! As I was reading this article I was infuriated by your stupidity and was preparing to write what could have been the most insulting comment in history. Cheers! You got me.

  • Deatarus

    You totally got me! As I was reading this article I was infuriated by your stupidity and was preparing to write what could have been the most insulting comment in history. Cheers! You got me.

  • Artfoundry

    lol, funny stuff. And at first I thought all of the "wth is this crap" comments were just terrible trolling until I realized they're just part of the joke too! >_>

  • Absenm

    Ok, this did make me smile. But at the same time, I'm getting tired of reading these prank stories every April 1st. Mind you the Steve Jobs BS really is pissing me off. The man is ill, and pranks like he is retiring can hurt a companies bottom line in the short run. But this story was a classic and obvious joke, so I'm not upset with it, in and of itself. I just frustrated that on this day every year I have to through a third of my RSS news feed weeding through the BS. When you come someplace you trust only to be hesitant because you don't know what to trust, that is going across the line.

    If a responsible journalistic site wants to join the April Fools fun, they shouldn't do content jokes. other sites will do design jokes. Put thier page upside down. Change their logo. Post a story about thier own site being bought out or closing. Not posting things about content that could be true any other day.

    • Christiseattle

      Yes, the internet is serious business, isn't it? *eyeroll*

  • Anonymous

    Why do people continue to insist on writing moronic AFD articles every god damn year. They don't actually fool anyone, they're not funny at all. It's just an embarrassment to the site.

  • GunBlade1190

    This made me laugh so hard. Everything you said is so akin to reviews in the appstore, comments for apps and the whole app store in general. You sir get one golden star for this review =] (yes i'm a little late to post this, i've been busy all day lol)

  • Trolleosis

    One word, FAIL.

  • Abdajds

    Ok, i am drunk as all hell and i just feel like typing so.... that is pretty much all..

  • Jake

    Netflix is a MOVIE SERVICE people

  • SMP

    ..............It's April first, and you've only now heard of Netflix? Seriously! it takes you until April First 2011 to try Netflix out. Also, it's for movies, not games. What a terrible article, seriously, this must be some kind of a joke, then it would make sense.

    • Anonymous

      The article made perfect sense as a joke. Your attempt unfortunately didnt.

  • Dickdown

    This is idiotic, everyone knows what Netflix is

  • Maxrochford

    This is retarded. NETFLIX IS A MOVIE WEBSITE!!!!!

    • Anonymous

      facepalm

  • Deadclown

    Where, from whence cometh so much retardation?

    A) This is pretty darn good satire
    B) It's satire

    Anyway, I also thought it was funny. Nice job, Jared.

    • Anonymous

      I agree entirely. They even added at the top that it was posted on April Fool's Day to keep the retardation that cometh at bay.