How many times can you do the same joke before people get tired of it and start to get annoyed? Three times, friends. The answer is three times. Nevertheless, like my courageous countryman Mike Myers before me, I am here a third, and most certainly unwanted, time to perform my comedic stylings. Yes, it’s yet another joking non sequitur article about Slither.io (Free), the thrilling multiplayer Snake take-off that was all the rage last weekend. But this time, we’ve got Angelina Jolie, so I have confidence everything is going to be A-okay.
So, looking at my orders from the Shadowy Consortium that rules with an iron fist from the penthouse floor of TouchArcade Towers, I’m supposed to show you a bunch of videos of high scores in Slither.io. Videos are apparently the way of the future, he said, as he dropped some sweet text down on the virtual page. I’m going to do that, but what I’m also going to do is throw in some lines from the superb 1995 documentary Hackers. I’m doing this because nostalgic pop culture references resonate well with our readers, and because it was playing on my TV in the middle of the night last night. That’s enough for me to call it serendipity, friends. Alright, let’s just get this over with so I can move on to hosting the MTV Movie Awards or something.
Warning: these videos may contain commentary and/or music that might damage the ears of anyone over the age of 20. Viewer discretion is advised.
Remember, hacking is more than just a crime. It’s a survival trait. – Razor
Hack the planet! Hack the planet! – Dade
We are samurai… the keyboard cowboys… and all those other people who have no idea what’s going on are the cattle… moooo. – The Plague
We have just gotten a wake-up call from the Nintendo Generation. – Cereal Killer
You’re in the butter zone now, baby. – Nikon
So, what have we learned from all of this? Well, I think when we intersperse quotes from a film that was trying to represent a counter-culture from the mid-90s with a 2016 game that hearkens back to 1976’s Blockade, the juxtaposition clearly demonstrates the dissonant elements that compose the personalities of each and every one of us. Truly, are we not all Gibsons waiting to be hacked by that special someone? This requires further meditation. Please inform the Shadowy Consortium for me that if they need any more silly Slither.io articles, they can ask Andy Fretz. I’ll be on top of Mount Canada, weeping for my lost dignity. I think there’s a free spot up there next to Dan Akroyd. Drink Slither.io.
