We Try To Figure Out What You Do In ‘Soccer Spirits 2’ Solely By Watching The Just-Released Trailer

Sometimes you watch a game trailer, and you say to yourself, “yes, this trailer perfectly captured the essence of the game." And then you watch a trailer like the one for Soccer Spirits: Season 2, and one minute and some seconds later you are still staring at the screen absolutely dumbfounded, still trying to comprehend the visual assault you’ve just endured. I’ve never heard of this game or the ones before it. So, I’ve decided to quickly tell you what I think this game is all about based solely on the trailer. Here it goes…

Apparently, this game tells the story of an endless clash across many planes of existence where young women and men with magical abilities try to best a fiery Demon, and you are one of those heroes. The situation is so dire that the fires of hell are seeping through the tears in the fabric of reality and boiling our planet, so much so that humans can barely keep their clothes on.

The White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland knows that something’s wrong, since he exists deep inside Earth’s core. So, he runs to warn one of our heroines, and she’s so angry at it all, she kicks a ball with so much intensity that it rips through the fabric of day/night and makes stars appear in daytime. Some of the heroes and heroines are already on their way to defeat the Demon, but, alas, it’s not to be as the Demon casts one of the heroines into the swirling pits of hell…

But fear not! A Sailor Moon-looking heroine – who is Alice’s secret identity – with a huge sword rises to avenge her friend’s demise. Yet, all the rest of our heroes fall into a deep depression, and while trying to forget their friend’s ill fate, they gather for a friendly game of soccer…yet, it is not to be! A blonde demon – whose name cannot be spoken, for it will shatter reality, but who many call “The 80s" – erupts from Earth’s core spewing forth the Curse of Bad Hairstyles.

Undaunted, our heroes regroup and take the fight to the Demon’s lair, but he is still unbeatable, soccer kicking one of the heroines as if she talked bad about his Demon-momma. The other heroes, defeated, return to their soccer-playing, hoping to drown their anger and feelings of inferiority.