Welcome to Die!

Aw. Bummer. I was going to be the person who had a person, who they met online, who had a friend who owned a teacup pig.

 

... went out to buy some humus

 

he got pigs, then suddenly

 

was brutally raped by those very pigs

 

who started to eat eachother

 

. But all this time he didn't realize

 

that he was becoming a pig himself

 

So he ordered a pina colada...

 

and poured it all over his body

 

and realized that his body was now very tasty

 

as he got attacked by a swarm of bees

 

Who's stingers secreted napalm into his body

 

And when he fell into a fire

 

Glenn Beck became president

 

and his first official order was

 

to repeal the health care overhaul then

 

to kill every pig

 

. Soon the man was rushed to the hospital but the costs were over 7,000 dollars so his ensurance company dropped him and he was unable to pay for the medical costs so he died.

End of Story. Do not revisit this story.