I was born among fire and brimstone and hate. I was taught to defile. I was raised to destroy. In light of this, however, I have overcome my indoctrinated nature and have transformed into the benevolent entity you see before you now. JAMIE WINS a cool 200 coins! These other 800 coins that have gone unclaimed will likely be tossed into the vast and yawning indifferent void we know as "space". You're free to chase after them there, it may be less of a challenge than hitting a score of "402" in Udder Panic for some of you. You know who you are. I wish I had a little foot-tall NOEN to wait by my bedside and be my daily hype-man each morning. "You slept the HELL out of that bed!" he'd cry. I wouldn't respond because the master/servant relationship needs boundaries, but I would be touched all the same. Failing this perfect fantasy, I guess I'll just have to settle for feeling all warm and fuzzy when the average-height NOEN points out and enjoys our work on a less-than-daily basis <3 Glad you're into, man! The game is looking a LOT different from its initial release. All of our documented ideas and features are starting to really filter into the core game and I think it's really coming together! We plan to release the next build VERY SOON (maybe even today) and we will be pushing the build containing the above modifications VERY SOON (ALSO maybe even today!)* *To be clear: the next update contains new environments and a progress bar that spits out goodies and the NEXT update will contain the cow-stumes (WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA) and other visual flair <3
Haha. Wouldn't everybody want a lil handsome mini NOEN hype man. Not to add to the hype, but the soundtrack to this game was stuck in my head all day a couple days ago. I couldn't figure out what game it was either. It was driving me cray-cray! I'm talking ALL damn day. It wasn't until the next day when it finally left my head when I started heard the soundtrack playing in the NEXT ROOM!! I thought I was going crazy. I turn the corner and my 7yr old daughter is playing the game. So, apparently you have a new fan. Yea, shit just got REAL there! I was actually talking bout my personal life. I must like you Lt. Action. You make me feel safe. I feel like I can tell you anything and you won't judge me. When you and I are talking, nothing else in the world matters at that moment. Anyway, keep up the great work!!
Truly, our maestro knows his way around a tune. If you wish to punish your future self by harvesting some catchy tunes you won't be able to place later, check out his Sound Cloud! He's not fooling anyone, I'm pretty sure he's just a beard with a man attached, but his musical madness cannot be denied. If you ever played Beast Bound, take a trip down "recent memory lane" and slide this one into your ear-holes! Lt. Action's greatest trick was convincing the world he ever existed. I am something you discover within yourself, NOEN. We are as one because I am you, and you are me. Speak to me as you would yourself, because that's who I am, that is who WE are. <3
Soz about the delay in replying. Thanks once more for my winnings. ( I also replied to your Private Message.) I'm not having much luck with coinage of late. "Try again." It tells me. A foot-tall Noen? Sounds like an Elf to me. And just in time for Christmas! Now that's what I call an update! I've not had much time to spend playing Udder Panic! since, but instantly noticed visuals have been enhanced, lag, gone, a new snowy background and warp-speed. I'm yet to see any cows with hats though(?) Is there some sort of counter/ record of how many gold cows you've collected?
Those eyes I watched you pluck out of a Hawk's head and pinch into place with your brow muscles like some kind of horror-monocle have served you well! We have indeed been enhancing the game and the skulls of the cows remain cold and bare. We have an update swirling in the detached consciousness of Apple waiting for approval that contains headgear for our bovine abductees as well as a HOT new character just in time for Christmas. If you don't celebrate Christmas, you are this year; that's an order directly from the Lieutenant.* ALSO! We just wrapped up our launch/teaser trailer! It won't be teasing much for most of you but for those of you just joining us, CHECK IT OUT! *You don't have to if you don't wanna.
He's making a list, glancing at it (sort of) and then setting fire to anything and everything around him! Find out tomorrow who's finding his way into your house, chimney or not, this Christmas!
Hey, NOEN, since you're such a great guy, I'll tell you and only you a secret. Use your special NOEN senses to decipher the following message: If you want to see the new character NOW the update is ALREADY LIVE! I'm going to announce things more formally tomorrow but if you, NOEN and totally only NOEN, want a sneak peek, our tepid traveler is now in the app as well as the COW-STUMES (that's my super time saver word for "cow costumes". Look at how much time we're saving!) NO SECRET INVISIBLE WHITE TEXT TO SEE HERE, FOLKS. MOVE ALONG. *wink* That *wink* was for you, NOEN. You should also know that the wink is heavily layered, it's not just my white text you oughta be peepin' ;D
Ooh! I saw him and he was GLORIOUS! Now you just need to give me a code so I can get him! I've had to start from the beginning of this damn game cuz I originally had it on my iPad and I don't play as often on that. So, I'm back to 1 ship and 2 characters. Anyway, enough of me complaining. I just wanted to get get all sentimental for a minute and say that you guys have done a great job with this game. To be honest, when I first played it, I thought is was "alright". High Score Chasers aren't really my thing. I can't play the same thing over and over just for a high score. What can I say, I'm a DIVA BITCH and I need upgrades or costumes or some sort of small things to work for, but after seeing all the work you guys have done with this has really impressed me. The game is SO much better now. So, I just wanted to say great job. I really hope this game is doing well enough for all the hard work put into it. Oh, and by the way, I knew that wink was for me and only me. I wish I knew how to quit you Lt. Action. Love always and forever, NOEN
YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN, NOEN. I could give you a character for free and get your ever lasting love in return. Or I could do nothing, let you win it, and you could feel great for the rest of the day. Or you could gimme' a dollar. These are the crossroads we all come face to face with in life, and the choices we make define us. Life $omtimes drop$ $ubtle hint$ and it'$ up to u$ to keep an eye out for them when the ari$e. But you all didn't come hear to listen to me talk (except for that I know you totally did, and that's nothing to be ashamed of). We've got an announcement to drop on your precious little heads! The latest update is LIVE and WAY, WAY IN VOGUE. Most of the characters now change the cow's appearance! Not only that, but we've got a HOT new invader joining the fold! Meet Cinder Claws! And his accompanying ship, Jingle Bell Rock! It's a lot faster than it looks, promise.
Peel back that flap of skin covering those ocular water sacks of yours, you're gonna wanna make sure there's enough clearance for this HUGE NEW UPDATE to jump from this computer screen into your skull where it will burrow deep into your soft pink brain and make a home for itself as a brand new memory. Whether or not it's a good one isn't the point, it's more important that I just IMPLANTED SOMETHING IN YOUR BRAIN WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION. You thought you had me with the tinfoil hat, huh? Think again. Are you ready for that HUGE NEW NEURAL IMPLANT I MEAN UPDATE?! In version 1.0.3 available now WE'VE GOT: BUG FIXES! (HOOOOOOLY SMOKES!) NEW ACHIEVEMENTS! (We're gonna make you WORK FOR 'EM) A single, new and very, very secret ship! Just look at the SIZE of it! Looks sort of familiar if you ask me.
How can you just sit there knowing that people are out there sucking up cows? THAT COULD BE YOU. ALSO! Park your sweet tush in front of this thread and hit F5 like a spoiled child whining for Christmas goodies* because later today Ol' Saint Action will be cramming a Christmas treat right down your snack hole. *Don't hit children, please. If they've transformed into candy fueled snot demons and won't stop pestering you for treats this holiday season, just tell them Santa isn't real. Emotional scars don't show.
I made a list, I checked it twice, and somehow your name was on it. Somehow. Even after what you did. How could it be? Well, Lt. Action isn't one to argue with a list, lining things up in sequence is one of the most infallible forces in the known universe so, as promised, an early Christmas gift from me to you! For most of you this is your very first introduction to this magnificent beast but, to a select elite some of you, HE'S BACK! Seek out the button pictured in the bottom right and enter the code "beastbound", case sensitive. That's right, "beastbound". You guys remember Beast Bound, right? I sure do. Also, when you play as Cappi, the cows are Leerdrops. FIRST PERSON TO POST A PICTURE OF ANY SCORE WITH CAPPI GETS 300 COINS! #ChristmasJustWontStop
Love me some BeastBound. Way under appreciated. Don't worry about the duckets Lt. Action, just giving it a little bumpy bump.
Even though our Christmas tree is artificial, I will be pruning it to resemble as closely as possible the benevolent silhouette of NOEN. His generosity will be preserved in false piney goodness for generations to come. My children will look upon it with in either wonder or horror. I will never know which, for a child must not deign to speak in front of the mighty NOEN TREE. The artist is pronouncing "NOEN" wrong in this song, but I'm pretty sure that was just a simple mistake that can be attributed to being too full of NOEN's divine radiance. Not all of us can remain composed. NOEN truly sets and example for us all! Literally. Do exactly what he did and you'll win some FREE COINS. C'MON, YA'LL! *Also, I totally agree! I really wish more people had played Beast Bound! Not even in a "because I like it when I can pay the rent" sort of way but more of a "I bet people would've really gotten into the story/world" sort of way. I'm ready to write the second half of Beast Bound when ya'll are!
I am as the lonely transient, sitting idle on the median on App Street. My strategy isn't to hold out my hand expectantly, however, quite the opposite. HOW MUCH MUST I GIVE UNTIL YOU LOVE ME?! (If I had a nickle for every time I had to ask someone that, ya know what I mean?) How about THIS: You guys remember the Halloweenie? As promised, he's all yours! Just enter "halloweenie" in the promo screen for a seasonally inappropriate treat <3 Seriously, sorry about missing Halloween, really thought we'd make that one. Really, give this one a try if you want an extra challenge, it ain't easy as you will quickly find out!
Haha. I'm cracking up listing to that song picturing her saying, "NOEN". Anyway, next character probably needs to be "The Almighty Noen".....but the character has to he handsome and and very dapper like me tho. I will NOT settle for anything less than beautiful!!
What is this, the e-unicorn of our age?! LT. ACTION APPEARS TWICE IN ONE DAY? Keep your shirt on (your pants can stay off, though). Also, you shut that glorious, honey-sweet trap NOEN! I just might do it. I'm not joking. Seriously, folks, I didn't come here to flex my ever expanding muscles and intellect for you, (though this is a reflexive and purely involuntary action and will happen anyway, every time) I came by to say that we're 5% to our goal of making a child's wish come true! For the mathematically challenged most-of-you, that's 50,000 Golden Cows and CLIMBING! Let's make it happen, you gorgeous sunnuva-guns!
Gaze upon this and attempt to comprehend it IF YOU DARE. Your eyes do not deceive you, friends. We are over 7% to our goal! When we pushed Udder Panic out into the marketplace as a wee and pink newborn babe, it was taking you lovely fools an average of two weeks to zap up 10,000 golden cows. Now we're seeing intrepid invaders suck up Golden Cows to the tune of 3,500 a day AT LEAST. At this rate we're going to hit our goal in no time and GRANT A FREAKING WISH. Keep zapping those cows, keep bugging your friends, relatives, coworkers, casual acquaintances, and crushes (nothing speaks to the heart like Udder Panic <3) about the game and let's make it happen!
