This is becoming too much for me. "Hot and bothered" doesn't begin to describe the inferno raging in my loins. CONTEST #2 IS AFOOT! OUR TOP LEADER: Andy C83 with 1086! Everyone has a precious 2.5 hours before we close the door on this contest! Noble NOEN has been ripped away like an earring catching on someone else's clothes as they pass. RossmanBrothersGames fell like the stubborn Spartan that he is. He stood strong, but Thermopylae claims another. CAN NO ONE PUT A STOP TO ANDY'S MADNESS?!
PENCILS DOWN, FLYS UP, HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM! We have a BBW! (Big Beautiful Winner) Andy C83 is now the proud Shogun of our newest character, The Sa-Moo-Rai! Please bow deeply in silent reverence to Andy C83's greatness. If you entered the contest and didn't quite make it, hold off on the seppuku, Lieutenant Action will have a little something for you later today! And for those scrubs out there who couldn't even be bothered to tap a finger and suck some cow, I've got something for YOU, too (and no, it's not one of my choice fingers extended defiantly skyward). I'll be back later today to drizzle some update sauce onto those delectable sweet pink lobes you call a brain!
If only I had the time (and requisite level of crap-givingHEYOH-BUZING) Well played, everyone, if I was all of your fathers I would barely be playing favorites right now! Consequently I AM the All Father and I play favorites on massive and fatal scales. Today, though, if you participated in this latest contest you should check your inbox! Go on, it's safe! I "promise"!
A riddle! Q: How long is a forum post from a developer who made a promise about sharing a snippet of the update content they were working on and then forgot about it until 2 minutes before it was time to leave for the day? A: About this lon-
Wow, Ladies and Gentlemen. That game was officially: ON. And . . . I had nothing, LOL. Bravo, Noen and RossmanBrothersGames. Gallant efforts indeed. Andy C83, is there no game on the whole of iOS you suck at? Hang on. I've answered my own question. You actually suck at Udder Panic!, except that's the idea, aha. Thank you to our MC, Lt. Action, for my gift. Re. The sneak peak. Holiday's are coming!
Indeed, nothing stirs the heart (and loins) like some honest and fierce competition! I cannot confirm that the purpose of these contests is to find out which among you would make the most adept Star Fighter in the coming Space Wars (term not copyrighted), but I cannot deny it, either. I'm brewin' up something for tomorrow that will be a little more low-key. Something we can all enjoy. Instead of sitting by and enjoying the warmth of the crackling fire only to have Andy C83 come by and push us into it and hold our faces in the hot coals, we're gonna try something the equivalent of sipping hot cocoa, sitting around a robust oaken table while wearing fluffy robes and pretending not to steal glances at the little bits of chest peeking through. Yes, all while illuminated by the soft orange glow of the cabin's one gas lamp. We're gonna be a family again, Lt. Action will see to that.
Turns out what I was brewing up was a big fat lie! But I won't leave you little scuttlebutts empty butted! We've been busting our back, front, upper and lower humps working on the next update and IT HAS JUST BEEN SUBMITTED! As a thank you gift to myself, I'm going home, taking off my shoes and burying my face and screaming into a pillow. Unfortunately this means the next contest will be postponed until Monday. I swear to you that a Lt. Action never lies twice in a row. Or does he? Or did he?
Look alive, fellas (and ladies) it's time for our third contest! I'm reaching deep inside and accessing my inner socialist on this one while still retaining just a little bit of the good ol' competitive capitalist spirit. We're gonna have FIVE WINNERS this time around. Hope you're all literate, the rules are as follows! FIVE OF YOU will win 200 coins. The rest of you will win a steaming plate of humble pie. TO WIN: There are two big fat catches. #1: You must share an image showing a score of 402! Why 402? Because this is the magical, glittering emerald area code where in Udder Panic was developed. Indeed, I am forcing you all to "recognize", best check yourself. #2: NO REPEAT CHARACTERS! Only one o' you jackals can claim your spot with "Omi", the rest of you better have someone else in reserve! Please see the below image of the Fish-beer Float for reference. NOW GIDDYUP!
The glare from the glittering heap of gold I am sitting upon is making it difficult to discern the movements of all below me. I ASSUME you're scrambling to win some fat stacks! DON'T LET ALL THIS GOLD GO UNCLAIMED! Well, "unclaimed". If no one wins this gold, Papa Action is taking himself out to nice dinner. And the prognosis is STEAK.
As I look out into the yawning halls of this topic, a cold dread creeps over me. Where has everyone gone? Was the challenge more than they could bear? Are there no worthy heroes left to step forth and claim their prize? No noble soul MAN (or woman) enough to put this challenge to bed? To tuck it in tight, kiss its little nose and then bury an axe deep in its forehead? Who's going to swab this poop deck? Who's going to baste this turkey? *Speaking of turkeys, THERE WILL BE NO CONTEST NEXT WEEK. We're going to take a reprieve in quiet solemnity for all the birds that "give" their lives for our pleasure. Before I disappear again into the aether, allow Lt. Action to impart some wisdom to you this day: If someone just leaves a pile of gold lying around and you are reasonably sure they AREN'T a leprechaun, you take that gold. You take it and never look back (pay someone else to look back, you can afford it now!).
Uh, oh. Sounds like "the twist" ran everyone off! I couldn't come close this time Lt. Action. I failed you with a 320 something and I bow my head in shame and disgust. I have to much pride to take the prize.......Who am I kidding? I'll take whatever I can get. NOEN has no shame!!!
What a twist indeed, NOEN. We have arrived in my ideal world. NO ONE IS A WINNER. No one but ME. Now, we've got some exciting new updates in the pipeline but, as they say, "coffee is for closers only." I have some piping hot update-coffee right here. Even though you're all bums, I'm feeling generous. In an update coming VERY soon, expect the following and more like it! Notice anything different about the cows? That's right, they've got shadows now.* *In case it's sailing right over anyone's precious heads; the cows will have shadows AND be totally different depending on the character.
