Hello, I'm Harold Camping, prophet and president of Family Radio. You may remember me from such hits as The Rapture Prophesy and The Rapture Prophesy II: It's Math, Bitches. Well, I'm here to tell you about my next exciting project, The Rapture Prophesy III: No, Please, Come Back, I Totally Got This One. The Rapture Prophesy III: No, Please, Come Back, I Totally Got This One is really it this time, the big one, the actual, real, verifiable, 110% guaranteed return of Jesus Christ and his faithful sidekick Iscariot the Bonobo Monkey. You see, I discovered that the equation used to determine the time of Jesus' return was off by one digit -- isn't that always the way? That's what happens when you forget to carry the one. So now that I've fixed this error, I can guarantee you with absolute, utmost confidence that The Rapture Prophesy III: No, Please, Come Back, I Totally Got This One will occur on October 21st, 2011. So make your peace, folks! Jesus is still coming -- for real, well and truly this time -- and he's still going to destroy the world, save the Saved, and condemn the heathens! Save the date -- again, but this time write it in permanent market or tattoo someplace safe -- and get ready for the world's biggest -- and last -- barbecue! See you in the afterlife!
