The Idiotic Customer Review Hall of Fame

Discussion in 'General Game Discussion and Questions' started by csklimowski, Oct 25, 2010.

  1. csklimowski

    csklimowski Well-Known Member

    Dec 30, 2009
    #1 csklimowski, Oct 25, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2010
    Exhibit #1: Idiots who think that AB Halloween was made by a different company or that it should have been a free update:

    Angry Birds Halloween Reviews (Most Critical)

    Actual Quotes: "Doodle Jump recently offered a FREE Halloween update to it's app. I feel ripped off."

    "It's not even by the same creator"

    Exhibit #2: Greedy kids who expect infinite free updates on EVERY SINGLE GAME:

    Plants vs Zombies Reviews (Most Critical)

    Actual Quote: "After you beat the game there is very little to do. Popcap, please update as soon as possible and bring in new material we all want."

    Exhibit #3: Cheapskates who believe that they should get a discount every time an app that they own goes on sale:

    Peggle Reviews (Most Critical)

    Actual Quote: "I bought this game when it first came out for $4.99 and now its $.99 WTF. Thats a rip off, what happend to my $4 ?? I dont think they should do that just to stay in the top ranks. Cheaters!"

    Exhibit #4: Kijib combines all of these characteristics into what is possibly the epitome of stupidity:

    Reviews by Kijib

    Actual Quotes: "should have been a free update"

    "No OF!!!!! Add it!!!!"

    "UPDATE!!!!'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now Add a Pleez add mor upgrades and units!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!update?? Too many crashes!!!!!!!!! Add savXeno wars is way better!!!! Get xeno wars instead!!!!!!!!!! !! Go'!!!!!! ? U nvr update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!w Online multiplayer needed!!!!!!!!!!!' Plleez addd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now!!!!!!! Update!!!!!!"

    "Wher is the map editor?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!! Report a Concern
    The devs lied to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Greed LIES!!! U Why hasnt a map editor been aannounced?!!!!!! Announce it! U lied to me!!n!!! Cmon Update now!!!!!!!!!!U never update this!!!!!!!!!! Add map editor Update!! U cqnt do anything!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do not buy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Add it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hhgf Or else!!!!!!!!!!!!m !!!!! !!!!! Add it srsly!!!!! Add map editor already!!!!!! !!!! !really tired of waiting Lazy devs!!"

    "DO U SPEAK ENGLISH!!?? Idiots STOP MAKING DLC YOU GUYS!!!!1 MAKE EVERYTHING FREE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!NO DLC!!!!!!!!!!!!! No !!!! Wow way to add DLC I HATE DLC FAIL Pleez bring back the old music !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW Pocket Way better than pocket god keep up FREE updates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! Pocket god is stupid Pocket God is no more!!!!!!!! ha!!! Cant wait for ep 2!!! Yay its oout!!!!!!!!!!!"

    Ridiculous. Just ridiculous.
  2. natedogg213

    natedogg213 Well-Known Member

    Jan 24, 2010
    Word to idiotic reviews. Some of my pet peeves:

    -Reviews with terrible spelling and grammar. It's hard to take seriously the reviews that appear to have been written by 3rd graders or people who do not have a full grasp of the English language.
    -Reviews with absolute qualifiers such as "Add multiplayer and it goes from 1 star to 5"
    -Excessive use of symbols, smiley faces, etc.

    However, when all is said and done, game reviews are more dependable than music reviews. 90% of the garbage on itunes has a 4-5 star rating.
  3. f e a r l e s s

    f e a r l e s s Well-Known Member

    Mar 12, 2009
    HaHa. Those are great! Thanks for a good laugh! Now, where are my ICRs...? :D
  4. backtothis

    backtothis im in ur base killin ur d00dz
    Staff Member Patreon Silver Patreon Gold Patreon Bronze

    Jul 13, 2009
    college student (junior)
    Houston/Austin, TX
    #4 backtothis, Oct 25, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2010
    Whenever I see these dumbass 12 year olds on the appstore, I just want to go over to where they live, grab their damn idevice, and chuck it into the local bayou/waterway/lake/river/ocean/gulf/etc. There's plenty of these idiots on TouchArcade as well. The appstore has really transformed our modern gamers into a bunch of cheap whiners.

    I just clicked on the Reckless Racing thread after this one, and guess what the last few comments are saying.
  5. Now I know what Kijib posts.
  6. mrdyer1984

    mrdyer1984 Well-Known Member

    Jul 19, 2009
    It's way to boring to even type it in...
    Shrewsbury PA
    I love the complaints about the prices..."$4.99 what a rip off!"

    BIG DEAL! Whats $5? Unless you're 10 years old...stop whining. Most of those kids have spent $70 for Halo, but won't shell out $.99 for Angry Birds...

    TNT_HEADSHOT Well-Known Member

    Aug 1, 2010
    Classic. Just classic.
  8. Tmonine

    Tmonine Well-Known Member

    Aug 27, 2009
    It's because noone can be bothered typing a review about music they feel mediocre about and they won't buy it if they absolutely hate it so most of the rating are good because people are more likely to review music they like than music they hate.
    I think.
  9. Olord

    Olord Well-Known Member

    Aug 26, 2010
    Sweet Lord :eek:

    Maybe Apple should change their rules for approving reviews. If a normal person reads a review and his eyes start to bleed or he wants to cry, they should reject it.
  10. kaboom132

    kaboom132 Well-Known Member

    Apr 30, 2010
    Not really an app review but dumb nonetheless: The album "Electric Tears" by Buckethead was rated 1 star twice and 2 stars once because Jordan wasn't on the album.
  11. gekkota

    gekkota Well-Known Member

    Jul 17, 2008
    What I find annoying is the onslaught of retina whiners. There seems to be a large number of gamers who are too stupid to read the app description prior to buying.

    They give the game one or two stars because it doesn't support retina. In a childish form of blackmail, they write that they will increase the number of stars once the developer updates the game to support retina.

    I like to read the reviews before buying a game. It's just too bad that these morons are skewing the ratings because of all their ridiculous demands.
  12. New England Gamer

    New England Gamer Moderator
    Staff Member Patreon Silver Patreon Gold Patreon Bronze

    Jul 30, 2009
    I wonder why there is an approval process to begin with. I see stuff written that if there was TRULY a review process should never be allowed to post, yet if I write a comprehensive review it might take days to get approved and posted!

    In the end I ignore the reviews since they are pretty much disgruntled customers voicing their displeasure. Hardly a review to me.

    But if Apple wants to truly have a review feature they really need to crack down on these.
  13. sdmiracle

    sdmiracle Well-Known Member

    Jun 23, 2010
    #13 sdmiracle, Oct 25, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2010
    also idiot publisher who publish a game with stolen artworks and claims that is not a rip-off:

    awesome speech
    "Sure, they both have wings on their backs but that's about it. Hardly a rip-off."

    "Oh, and that is hardly a rip-off to combine multiple design elements into one. You could find a lot of this happening in any game"

    "I can't really add more to the discussion. If you think that the sprites don't look different enough from what you are used to then I can't suddenly make them look different. But they are different; maybe not different enough?"

    Link to the topic

    and yes, they are from china
  14. weehoo

    weehoo Well-Known Member

    Apr 12, 2010
    the stars
    #14 weehoo, Oct 25, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2010

    I agree with you 100% about the whiners. HOWEVER, you must understand that even though the "Bull-Honkey" in the app-store is evil, it is a necessary evil. It keeps the developers where they should be. On their toes.

    As much as we all love developers for putting out great games, they don't always "give it their best" when creating some of them. The really obnoxious, negative reviews, give them that little push to create something better than initially intended. I'm sure many people have games on their iphone that have been updated numerous times because of complaining children. Wanting to eradicate the lower ratings, developers usually give in to the demands which results in better gaming for us.

    Imagine an app-store where everyone was just happy with what they got:

    Pocket God 1.0 (still 1.0) @ $9.99
    MC: Sandstorm (no multiplayer) @ $19.99
    Nova (no multiplayer) @ $19.99
    SFIV (no new characters) @$39.99
    DoDonPachiR (no ipod support) @ $14.99

    like many politicians say, "THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE"
  15. Zevious Zoquis

    Zevious Zoquis Well-Known Member

    Sep 20, 2010
    #15 Zevious Zoquis, Oct 25, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2010
    I don't think anyone has (or at least should have) a problem with negative reviews. If a person buys a game and finds it doesn't meet expectations for various reasons, they are absolutely entitled to put up a review highlighting those shortcomings. A well-written and well-reasoned negative review is every bit as relevant ansd important as the opposite. The crucial part of that statement is "well-written and well-reasoned." I don't really care what some idiot who happens to have a hate on for some particular game or genre of games (or a particualar dev, or even just hates a game becuase its "too popular") has to say.

    Its usually pretty easy to filter the morons out though - if they can't put a sentence together or have an obvious bias against the game in question I simply ignore them and move on. I also ignore about 95% of the "the game crashes my iphone" comments. I've come to learn over the years that there are an awful lot of people out there who simply don't know how to maintain, take care of or properly use devices like this. I have had almost no issues running any of the 60 or so games I've got and yet pretty much all of them have complaints about tech problems in the reviews on the app store...
  16. tsharpfilm

    tsharpfilm Well-Known Member

    Sep 14, 2009
    Digital Artist
    Lol. I agree with the first part though. Something needs to be done to filter out the completely useless and unfair reviews. They're making the app store look bad.
  17. Der-Kleine

    Der-Kleine Well-Known Member

    I remmeber seeing a review in the german AppStore for ARDefender with someone complaining about it not running on his iPod Touch 3G. AREN'T THE SCREENSHOTS AND THE TITLE OBVIOUS ENOUGH THAT THIS NEEDS A CAMERA?! :eek:
  18. MidianGTX

    MidianGTX Well-Known Member

    Jun 16, 2009
    London, UK
    The App Store might well start pulling in more money then maybe we can get some real games rather than the regular "console game lite" we see all the time.
  19. tsharpfilm

    tsharpfilm Well-Known Member

    Sep 14, 2009
    Digital Artist
    #19 tsharpfilm, Oct 27, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2010
    I found these 3 gems when I went to order Plants vs. Zombies

  20. Qordobo

    Qordobo Well-Known Member

    Jun 11, 2010
    Mmm Cheapskates seem to me not that idiot. To low down the price changing and dropping inflation, that seems a good idea. Not sure Cheapskates will enjoy the possible result and not sure it will help indie dev. But get sort of refund if you buy the game 2 weeks before the game sale and force dev plan any sale two week before, in a way that would be more fair. :)

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