The best angry/mean comments you have received from iTunes reviewers

Discussion in 'Public Game Developers Forum' started by Johannvonstranovic, May 23, 2010.

  1. eXistenT

    eXistenT Well-Known Member

    Sep 2, 2009
    540
    0
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    Germany
    :DLOOL!!!:D:D:D
    I think the people who have reviewed this game as 4/5 or 5/5 stars are connected to the developer somehow

    so cool damn
     
  2. kijib

    kijib Well-Known Member

    Oct 4, 2009
    1,661
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    Incredibly successful Brain Surgeoune
    Pokemon World
    comeon now guys, i have plenty of great reviews

    for example:

    Welcome Back!
    Tonight's Review...
    Chaos Rings VS Enviro-Bear 2010
    [​IMG]

    VS
    [​IMG]


    Lets's Begin!

    On one hand you have Chaos Rings, quite possibly the best iphone game ever made. On the other hand you have Enviro-Bear 2010, which many claim is greatest game ever made. I'm here to compare these two games and tell you which is better. Yup

    Graphics

    Chaos Rings uses the latest Square Enix quadruple helix processor mechanics to give a vibrant experience of high quality model detail to the player.
    With all that intense image processing, I'm amazed this game doesn't cause your ipod to explode. The graphics really shine during battles and such.

    [​IMG]
    Above:a boss fight

    But Enviro Bear 2010 uses the classic Microsoft Paint texture shading and cinematics that are equal if not greater to the graphics of Chaos Rings. It is unbelieavable how far the Paint engine has come and I'm happy to see its better than ever in Enviro Bear.

    [​IMG]
    "Enviro Bear 2010 uses the classic Microsoft Paint texture shading and cinematics that are equal if not greater to the graphics of Chaos Rings."

    Winner: Tie

    Sound

    Chaos Rings has a completely orchestrated million dollar soundtrack of high quality music orchestrated by millions of people in Japan. Koji Kondo, the guy who makes music for Mario and Zelda, supervised the entire production. Other notable names such as Hijeko Sudokin and Hu Kazin lend their talent to the soundtrack.

    [​IMG]
    "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."-Koji Kondo

    Enviro Bear has no music but rather sound FX of a bear driving a car. You have your standard car sounds, bear sounds, etc. While quite good in its own regard, Enviro Bear's soundtrack simply can't compete with that of Chaos Rings'z.


    Winner: Chaos Rings

    Handling

    In Chaos Rings, you control a group of heroes who go fight and stuff.
    In Enviro Bear, you control a bear who doesn't know how to drive a car.


    Winner: Tie

    Fun

    [​IMG]

    Altough slaying monsters is fun, nothing beats driving around into stuff and killing whatever gets in your way. I'm sure many people agree with me on this. Enviro Bear is simply more fun.

    Winner: Enviro Bear

    Price

    As if to make this decision even harder, Enviro Bear 2010 and Chaos Rings are both the same exact price at .99 cents and 12.99 respectively.
    Both games are a great value, but Enviro Bear just narrowly wins with a slightly higher unit price of .9/45 compared to Chaos Ring's .89/45.

    [​IMG]
    Above:Enviro Bear is such a great value, even Steve Jobs bought a copy and constantly promotes/plays the game whenever he has down time

    Winner: Enviro Bear






    The Verdict
    [​IMG]


    So which game is truely the greatest? Well, for the first time in Kijib review history, we have a tie!
    Both games are simply too good for anyone to come to a conclusion and the vote conducted among several people was simply to close to call. sorry


    Both games are great and highly recommended.

    [​IMG]
    come get some



    STAY TUNED FOR MORE REVIEWS! NOW TAKING REQUESTS IN THE LOUNGE!









    [​IMG]
    official Enviro Bear seal of approval
     
  3. nephilim apps

    nephilim apps Well-Known Member

    May 30, 2009
    818
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    Paraeducator
    Roseville California
    This isn't my app but I love to read the reviews for i360emu for example this one
    [​IMG]
    For some reason this kid used his real name to write his review so I then found his facebook and decided to have a little fun with him and see what he would do if the developer (I AM NOT THE DEVELOPER) was to message him.
    [​IMG]
    sadly it appears kids nowadays are to stupid to read the app descriptions

    this one also made me lol
    [​IMG]
     
  4. HappyninGames

    HappyninGames Well-Known Member

    Mar 5, 2010
    96
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    Developer
    Los Angeles
    A somewhat recent review for our game, fowlplay lite:

    (1/5 Stars) May 22, 2010 by Mr.Know-it-all
    DUMB - DIS IS SOOOOOO STUPID
     
  5. goldglover411

    goldglover411 Well-Known Member

    Apr 11, 2009
    2,436
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    ipod touch game reviewer
    USA
    how about cod zombie lite (when it was out)


    many reviews said

    -wow...the same game for free....dont buy the 10$ one cuz you can play it here
     
  6. Sinecure Industries

    Sinecure Industries Well-Known Member

    Good golly, what is that kid? 10?
     
  7. ICS Mobile

    ICS Mobile Well-Known Member

    Aug 1, 2009
    568
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    0
    #47 ICS Mobile, May 30, 2010
    Last edited: May 30, 2010
  8. ICS Mobile

    ICS Mobile Well-Known Member

    Aug 1, 2009
    568
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    0
  9. schplurg

    schplurg Well-Known Member

  10. Mondae

    Mondae Well-Known Member

    Feb 26, 2010
    1,807
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    Perv, why do you care?
    You're not supposed to quote entire articles. Link!!!!
     
  11. TheSporkWithin

    TheSporkWithin Well-Known Member

    Jan 16, 2010
    928
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    16
    College student, studying English/Japanese lit.
    You're not supposed to quote people quoting entire articles. Report!!!!

    :p
     
  12. Catacomber

    Catacomber Well-Known Member

    May 21, 2009
    1,320
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    http://www.zaristagames.com/
    NYC
    I think free games probably get the worst reviews because too many people pick it up for a minute and don't have patience and zap in a negative review.
     
  13. Qordobo

    Qordobo Well-Known Member

    Jun 11, 2010
    1,609
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    Let think 1 second about it. So 90% of people you met everywhere are braindead. 90% of of people who post in this thread are braindead.
     
  14. jak56

    jak56 Well-Known Member

    #54 jak56, Jun 12, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2010
  15. da shiz wiz 19

    da shiz wiz 19 Well-Known Member

    Sep 24, 2009
    7,318
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    Yeah that's how it works. Why? Are you one of those idiots who leaves reviews? I'm pretty sure 90% of people don't review anything. Have you even heard the review to bought ratio estimates by some devs?
     
  16. schplurg

    schplurg Well-Known Member

    My current average is about 1 written iTunes review for every 96 purchases of Daredevil Dave, at least in the US.

    One thing I've noticed is that, in my experience, the US has some of the rudest reviewers. My UK reviews, even the negatives, aren't nearly as rude as the US ones, overall anyways. I guess there are more spoiled undisciplined little punks here in the US.

    Like I said, that's just my experience.
     
  17. Donovan1209

    Donovan1209 Well-Known Member

    Jan 28, 2010
    3,013
    1
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    United States
    Hey, I left a nice review for DD... but yes, for the most part, the 1 star reviews you have are quite rude.
     
  18. DarkeMage

    DarkeMage Well-Known Member

    Apr 5, 2010
    191
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    High School
    Sydney, Australia!!!
    I'm gonna get so much hate... Alot of Americans are rude pigs.
     
  19. Marc Vaughan

    Marc Vaughan Well-Known Member

    Apr 15, 2010
    517
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    One thing I've noticed with my product (which is rather expensive in iPhone terms at $9.99) is that the longer its available the more 'harsh' in general people are with reviews/ratings for it.

    I believe this is largely down to the target audience in the main purchasing it initially (so high reviews as they're getting what they expect etc.), then as time goes on sales slow down a bit and we're bringing in more and more peripheral people to try it, people who see that its been popular and has fairly high reviews and grab it because of that without really knowing what style of game it is.

    This means some people who haven't tried management sims before have that 'marmite' reaction of yuck because they expected to be able to control things directly rather than play a strategy title (or they somehow expected me to shoehorn the entire PC version onto the iPhone which is also fairly common) ... tbh I don't 'mind' this particularly as the amount of newcomers enjoying the title is still far higher than those shouting 'wtf' and its never going to be possible to please everyone all of the time, all I can do is listen to constructive feedback when its given and try and make the best product possible.

    PS - No real difference between rudeness in various 'stores' for my product as far as I can see really (and I've even gone as far as translating the feedback from the stores around Europe in order to check for suggestions for future versions etc.).
     
  20. Mondae

    Mondae Well-Known Member

    Feb 26, 2010
    1,807
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    Perv, why do you care?
    I'm American AND I agree.
     

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