Why did the chicken cross the road? Spoiler Can't a chicken cross the damn road without his motives being questioned?!?!
There was a man who was walking his pet chihuahua, and decided to get a drink at the bar when he noticed a sign that read "No pets allowed." So the man stopped at the door, wondering what do to, when another man with his dog approached him and said, "Hey, you trying to get into the bar?" The man with the chihuahua nodded. The other man continues, "It's easy, they allow blind people with seeing-eye guide dogs go in, so what I do is put on these dark shades, and walk in. When they mention that pets aren't allowed, you merely say you're blind and this is your seeing-eye dog. Here's a pair of sunglasses for you." With that, the man went into the bar. So the man with the chihuahua stood outside, again trying to decide what to do, when he shrugs, and decides to give it a go. So he puts on the sunglasses and walks into the bar. Sure enough a bartender spots him and says, "Excuse me sir, no pets allowed." So the man replies, "Oh, this ain't my pet. I'm blind and he's my seeing-eye guide dog." The bartender chuckles and looks around at his fellow bartenders, who are also snickering, "You have a chihuahua as your seeing-eye guide dog?" The man appeared shocked and said, "They gave me a chihuahua?!"
"If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?" Uhm........ I think that the experiment will produce an anti-gravity effect. As the cat falls towards the ground, it will slow down and start to rotate, eventually reaching a steady state of hovering a short distance from the ground while rotating at high speed as both the buttered side of the toast and the cat’s feet attempt to land on the ground. This way, we should be able to create an infinite amount of perpetual kinetic energy.
George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped,fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland." George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One". The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!" The third kid, which happened to be Little Johnny, said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped." The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning"
A man walks into a bar one night . He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that will be 1 cent." "one penny?" exclaimed the guy. The barman replied, "Yes." So, the guy glances over at the menu and asks, "Could i have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?" "How much money?" inquires the guy. "Four cents," he replies "Four cents?!" exclaims the guy." where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says , "What's he doing with your wife ? " The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
A blonde woman is invited for dinner at her cousins house and as they only live a few blocks apart the blonde lady has walked there. As the blonde is getting ready to leave it starts pouring with rain. The cousin has had a few too many drinks at dinner so says to her blonde cousin "why not just sleep the night here and you can head home tomorrow when it's stopped raining or I can run you home as I'll be sober then" The blonde agrees so her cousin goes to get some blankets. When she comes back with the blankets she can't find the blonde anywhere. Half an hour later there's a knock at the door. It's the blonde, completely drenched. The cousin says "What are you doing ? Where have you been in the rain I thought you were going to sleep over?" "Yes I am " says the blonde "but I had to go home to get my pyjamas"
Yes. It very much is a compliment to you since, I thought you were the only one capable of finding the right gifs at the right place and time and they are suited and used properly.
