Old one. Still think its good enough to post here. A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying from copies, not the original manuscripts. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours go by and nobody sees him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks the old monk what's wrong, and in a choked voice comes the reply..."The word is 'celebrate.'"
^^ That reminds me of another... 4 Catholic men and 1 catholic woman were having coffee... first catholic guy says, "my son is a priest, when he walks in the room, people call him 'Father'" second guy says, "oh yeah, my son is a bishop, when he walks in the room, people call him 'Your Grace'" 3rd guy says, "well my son is a Cardinal, when he walks in the room, people call him 'Your Eminence'" 4th guys says, "hmph my son is the Pope, when he walks in the room, people call him 'Your Holiness' The whole time the lone catholic woman is quietly sipping her coffee. The guys look at her and say, "well what about your children?" She says, "well I have a daughter... slim, tall, blonde, 38DD, 24" waist, 34" hips, and when she walks in the room people say 'OH. MY. GOD'
Lol now THAT is funny! Don't ya hate it when you have to explain a joke! FWIW I got it. C'mon TheLord you should be on top of that
he Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walked into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asked the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant didn't answer. The Godfather asked again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupted, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather said, "Well, ask him where the @#!* money is." The attorney, using sign language, asked the accountant where the three million dollars was. The accountant signed back, "I don't know what you're talking about." The attorney interpreted to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulled out a pistol, put it to the temple of the accountant, cocked the trigger and said, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!" The attorney signed to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signed back, "Okay! Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather asked, "Well, what did he say?" The attorney interpreted to the Godfather, "He said that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
So two guys are in a hip new bar on top of a 30 story building. One of them said to the other, "Hey, did you know that if you jump out the window, the current'll bring you back up in 5 seconds?" The guy replied, "What? No, that's not possible. What a dumbass thing to say." The man than gets up and jumps out the window. The guy that was listening can't believe his eyes, runs over to the window, and counts to 5. Sure enough, the jumper glides back up and into the bar. Seeing that was he said was true, the guys says, "Hey, cool, let me try." He jumps. 1 second goes by. 3 seconds go by. 5. Then 10. The thud is barely audible. The bartender than looks over the guy that survived the jump, and says, "Superman, you're a real dick when you're drunk.
Okay this one is really old but you reminded me So Superman and Silver Surfer are floating around in the air and they spy Wonder Woman sunbathing naked on a rooftop... Superman says to silver surfer, "betcha I can fly down there, do my business, and fly away before she notices.." SS says, "thats a bet" Superman flys down, does his thing, and flies back taunting SS" Meanwhile, Wonder woman says, "did you see that?' Invisible man says, "didn't see anything, but man my ass is sore"
3 men in a bar talking about the previous night and how drunk they were. 1st man says "i was so drunk that i drove my car home and hit a tree" 2nd man says " thats not drunk, i was so drunk i drove ma car home, hit a tree and then when i got thru the door i lit a cigarette and accidently caught my house on fire" 3rd man says "neither of you we're that drunk. i was so pissed that i went home and blew chunks" the other 2 men looked at him puzzled and say "that isnt that drunk to be honest pal" 3rd man replies "oh, ya dont understand, my dog is called chunks"
Maxim's 100 Funniest Jokes http://www.maxim.com/humor/stupid-fun/85265/maxims-100-funniest-jokes-ever.html?p=5
Um yea, why did my thread get closed but this is allowed? I didn't realize we had to go back to the dinosaur ages to see if a similar thread is somewhere under the dust.
Considering there are thousands of threads with multiple topics started daily, a month ago in thread time is considered the dinosaur ages.
