I hope I don't get in trouble for this because I think it's border line with the rules. If it's bad mods please remove the post and don't ban me.... So me and my friends were just hanging out and we started telling jokes, and one of my friends said: (highlight if you want to see the joke) If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test?
3 brothers are driving in their car when it breaks down, they walk a little bit and they see a farm. they tell the farmer about their situation and he says "ill see what i can do in the morning but for now you can stay with me" the brothers are happy they have somewhere to stay so they follow the farmer inside. He shows them their room and he says "there is only one rule: you must stay in your room all night, if you leave you will be punished" that night the brothers are hungry so they go downstairs to eat. The farmer sees them and tells them because they broke the rules they will now be punished. He brings them outside and says "You must find a fruit, and shove 10 of it up your arse, if you laugh i will shoot you, if you manage to do it you will live" The first brother takes 10 apples and after he puts 4 of them up, he laughs, the farmer shoots him and he goes up to heaven. The second brother has 10 cherries, and just when he's fitting the stem of the 10th one up, he cracks up, the farmer shoots him and he goes up to heavan. The first brother in heaven says to him "Why did you laugh, you were so close?" and the second brother says "Ya but did you see Mark, he got watermelons!"
I got one Haha not that funny and probably mean, but I heard it today and decided to post it A guy and a girl are talking. The guy is canadian and the girl is american. The girl says, "Canadians always say EH!" The guy then said, "Do you know what americans say?" The girl shakes her head. "Supersize Me!"
Wife asks her husband if he's been having sex behind her back. So the husband says "Who the **** did you think it was?!
Haha. Here's one. Please inform me if you find it offensive, I'll remove it at once. So a nun goes to the Pearly Gates and meets St. Peter whom says to her 'Have you ever touched a man's thing*?' The Nun replies, 'Only with my hand'. St. Peter says to her, 'Wash your hand with holy water and you may go in.' And so the nun goes inside. St. Peter notices a commotion with the nuns lining up and asks them what's happening. A nun replies, 'Sister Agnes refuses to wash her mouth with holy water after Sister Allen washes her butt with holy water!' *You know what I mean... and don't be funny. ----------------------- An old lady was on a flight sitting next to a young businessman who was a freethinker. After the in-flight meal she took out her Holy Bible and starts her devotion. The businessman glances at her and says, 'Do you really believe those stuff in the Bible is true? "Well yes, as a matter of fact I do," said the old lady. "Yeah, right..." the man scoffs, "like... what's that guy's name, the one who got swallowed by a whale..." "You mean Jonah?" "Yeah, Jonah, I mean, how do you actually survive for 3 days in a fish's bowel?" "I don't know," replied the old lady, "but I can ask him when I see him in heaven someday." Feeling smart, the young man said: "Okay, but what if he's not in heaven because he went to hell?" "Then young man, *you* can ask him" replied the old lady calmly.
Here's one: So a blonde and a very smart lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. They get bored eventually, and decide to come up with a game. In the game, they ask each other a question, and if the blonde gets a question wrong, she has to pay the lawyer $5. If the lawyer gets a question wrong, he has to pay the blonde $500. So they start their game, and the blonde goes first. "What is 2+9?" she asks. "11," he replies. "What is the largest living bird?" he asks. "Umm...I don't know," replies the blonde, and with that, she gives him $5. "What is 2+10?" she asks. "12," he replies. He asks, "What does E = mc2 mean?" he asks. "I don't know," she replies, and gives him $5. The blonde thinks for a while, and then asks, "What is the meaning of life?" "Well, gee, I don't know," says the lawyer, and gives her $500. He asks her, "What is it anyways?" And she hands the lawyer five dollars.
I don't get it. 90 percent of the people have a (gasp) p-word. Yet, most of the jokes talk about sex and 90 percent of the people here don't have that
OMG! HALF OF THESE JOKES WERE POSTED BY PEDOPHILES! WTF!!!??? Mods please PLEASE delete this thread or at least lock it!
