What's the difference between a truck load full of bowling balls and a truck load full of dead babies? You cannot unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork... ------------------------ What's the difference between Peanut Butter and Jam? (search for the answer on google, i don't think i can use those words on here... ) LEGEN - wait for it, wait for it - DARY!
Why do women have small feet? So they can stand closer to the oven ----- What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic? The god damned dishes if she knows what's good for her. ----- What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. ----- What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant.
This one had me in stiches! Hahahaha! Hell, most of your jokes were pretty funny although pretty dirty but hey, aren't they all?
what's the difference between jesus and a picture frame? it only takes one nail to hang the picture frame. jesus was walking through the streets dragging the cross. a soldier struck him with the whip and he dropped the cross and fell to his knees. he picked up the cross and walked further, and the same thing happened again. suddenly god appeared and told him "I don't care if you're my son or not, you drop that ****ing cross one more time and your out of the parade!"
A Sailor is sitting at a bar one night and is chatting it up with a beautiful blonde. After some drinks she starts to cry and tell him the sad story that she is Polish and misses home terribly but can't afford to buy a ticket to go home. The sailor tells her his profession and makes a deal with her. "I'll hide you away on my ship on one condition. You have to have sex with me when I ask." She hugs him, crys and agrees. So late that night they sneak on to his ship and he hides her in a big life boat with a canvas cover. He tells her he'll bring her food and water and she'll just have to stay hidden because she'll be in big trouble if she's caught. So for the next three weeks he brings her rations every day and sleeps with her every night. Finally one day the captain is strolling on deck, sees something suspicious and lifts the cover discovering the girl. He yells "STOWAWAY!" Scared she explains: "Dont be mad at me sir. One of your sailors stowed me away to take me home to Poland, and is having sex with me for payment!" "No kidding? Lady... this is the Staten Island Ferry!"
Kamazar's joke reminded me of another. Guy is hiking on a mountain, reaches the top and sees a beautiful woman, crying hysterically, standing by the edge of a cliff. He goes to console her and asks her what's wrong. She tells him she is determined to jump and commit suicide because her family disowned her. The guy says, 'well if you're going to jump, why not have sex with me first?' The lady thinks for a minute and agrees. After they finish up, the guys says, 'oh ya, why are you committing suicide? why did your family disown you?' 'They wouldn't accept me as a woman after my sex change operation'
Guy walks into a bar, and on his way in he see's Hitler, sitting enjoying a beer. The guy ask's the bartender "Is that Hitler? What's he doing here?" Hitler overhears him ask and he replies saying "I made a deal with the devil. If I killed 6 million more jews, and a clown, he would let me return back to earth. The guy, completely baffled asks "So... what's up with the clown?" And Hitler turns to the bartender and said "See, I told you nobody gives a sh!t about the Jews." hahahaha harsh one I know but hilarious...
A penguin decided to take a day off from his job working at the zoo. He got in his car and drove into town. Shortly after arriving, he began to experience car trouble. Lucky for him, he broke down next to a service station. After explaining his problem to the mechanic, the mechanic told him to return in a couple of hours. Not wanting to lose full advantage of his day off, the penguin decided to kill time in town. He stopped at a bookstore and purchased a couple of books, and did a little window shopping. Finally he stopped at a restaraunt and had fishsticks and some vanilla ice cream for dessert. By then, it was time for the penguin to pick up his car. The mechanic steps out of the garage while wiping his hands on a shop towel and tells the penguin, "Well, looks like you blew a seal." "Oh, no!" says the penguin, "Thats just ice cream."
I heard a couple one-liners today that I thought were pretty good... In the context of, you see a girl somewhere.. "Man she's a 15" "She's 15!?!?!" "No man, she's A 15... you know, like in blackjack... you don't know if you'd hit it or not" In the context of, you see a girl that would have looked good 10 years or 10 pounds ago.. "Man she'd have been hot about 10 years ago" "Or about 6 beers in the future"
I heard a really racist one at school today...I'll put it in white highlight What would MLK be if he was white? ...alive
Nah, I heard it from one of my swim team captains last year and remembered it when this thread came up. The closest thing I've written to a joke is that Hindenberg story I wrote on the Galactic Gunner thread.
Dude.. don't get me started with racist jokes.... What's the difference between a black man and Batman? Batman can go a night without Robin What's the difference between a black man and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of 4 On a lighter note.. A panda escapes from the zoo... walking along.. meets a prostitute. She says 'hey panda wanna good time?' Panda wants a good time, follows the hooker... she takes him to her place... 'Make yourself comfortable, i'll go in the bedroom and change.' Panda wanders into the kitchen, opens the fridge, see's a lot of tasty food and starts grubbing. Couple minutes later the young hooker calls Panda into the bedroom, 'yoohooo, panda where are you??' Panda goes in.. sees said hooker in compromising position... animal instinct takes over... he shuts the door and handles business. Afterwards the prostitute looks at panda and says, 'well....' 'well what?' 'well... don't you know what i am?' panda says no 'lets look it up in the dictionary' she takes him to the p section... ah prostitute... one who has sex for money.. Panda says, 'lets look at another P word... Panda... Eats Shoots and Leaves!'
