So a man walks into the bedroom where his wife is laying, while carrying a sheep under his arm. The man says "honey, I just wanted to show you the fat cow I sleep with when you have a headache". His wife just laughs and says "honey if you weren't such a jackass you'd know that was a sheep under your arms, not a cow" The man chuckles and then says "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch you'd know I was talking to the sheep". Ba-zing!!!
Dave went to the doctor and told him "Doc, I have VD and my dad is hell bent upon getting me married" The doctor said, "I'm sorry, nothing can be done, it has to be operated on as it is in the final stage, and has to be cut off." Dave, frightened, goes to another doctor, only to recieve the same answer. Finally one doctor says "Which doctor said that it has to be operated and amputated?! He must be a real piece of sh!t." Dave is thrilled and tells him he's ready to pay any amount to cure his ailment, and the doctor says, "No need buddy, in a few days from now, it will fall off by itself." ^.^
A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest. "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three 'Hail Mary's'." Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?" "A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. "Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Mary's'." The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style. The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, "Is that Fannie Green?" The altar boy replies, ................................. "No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes".
...teehee, the Irish ones are the best How about this - Question: What happened when the Irishman tried to blow up a bus? Answer: He burnt his lips on the exhaust. Nice thread by the way. Welcome light relief
Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside. The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too. Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat." The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest sperm bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."
lol, there are some nice jokes there Here's mine: Two whales were swimming along in the ocean. The first whale says to the other "Hey, look up there, there is a ship. If we go up there and use our blow holes, we can capsize that ship". The second whale agrees with the first whale and they proceed to go and capsize the ship. Once the ship has capsized, the first whale notices the men from the capsized ship floating in the sea. He signals to the second whale to go and eat them. The second whale stops him and says "I'm up for the occasional blow job, but I prefer not to swallow the seamen". And some shorter jokes: What's the different between smarties* and terrorists? Smarties don't blow up in the tube! *British sweets in a cylinder shaped container. What's the difference between a pedofile and a grey hound? Grey hounds wait for the hare! What's the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a ferrari in my garage!
what's worse than ten dead babies in a trash can? one dead baby in ten trash cans what's green and has wheels? grass. I lied about the wheels what do you call something with 3 ears, 6 legs, and 4 tails? a dog with extra parts
