Your biggest responsibility is to ensure your kids can take care of themselves. Your wife is falling for dependence and reliance on others. That will have terrible consequences as she grows up. People are so into protection, as if any of us has that ability. Whatever one thinks, ourability to protect ourselves or our families is much like most other things in our world. Totally based on faith. Self reliance is a rare trait in kids these days, it needs to be fostered, not squashed. Your wife is acting, feeling out of fear which only feeds the beast. Why your wife acts on her irrational fears is the tough one, good luck with that. Incidentally, this sort of fear seems to be almost unique to the US. And the funny thing is the people who have this fear all grew up in circumstances that should have taught them the fear is irrational. But, this will be passedon to your daughter and she will be much less capable if handling hard situations when the answer is to call mom and dad.
Fear for the sake of fear can be dibilitaing and cause it's own health issues, however being dismissive of reality isn't altogether helpful either. I would assume your method of teaching your kids isn't as simplistic as you make it sound, otherwise we'd be getting survival snaps from the Congos on a weekly basis. I have a few issues with your post, I'll keep it simple and remind you while I disagree with you mostly on this, I do see the importantance on teaching children independence and how to provide for themselves. I don't think it's fair to jump to the conclusion that his wife is being irrational because she would keep it simple and pick her child up at 11am at night, as opposed to taking it to a gaming forum to dispute the issue rather than working on a compromise that both parties felt okay with. The irrational woman label is outdated and old fashioned. She would have more insight into what a female faces in this day and age than you, he or I do. Teaching kids to fend for themselves and working towards independence isn't akin to being ignorant towards social realities and chucking them in the deep end to see if they sink or swim. A parent needs to provide guidance and share knowledge so their children are better equipped. If there's a field you have no experience in you don't dismiss it and ignore its existence. You mention that this is a unique fear to the U.S., I'm not sure how you've arrived at this conclusion but I can assure you it is something that is as old as our species is. It's not restricted to locale but rather due to unfortunate human behaviour. Being dismissive of it as an anomaly doesn't help anyone. Lastly, saying people that have these fears all grew up in circumstances that show these fears are irrational is dumbfounding. I honestly don't know what else to say to this. I typically respect your views, but on this one I think you've lost me.
Sorry, Chief, I was only joking. I'd still walk round and walk her back and have a laugh on the way back. I'd do the same for my boy(s) as I know that in the next five years they'll only be calling me for cold, hard cash. Last thing, and it kind of relates to September's post above, which I pretty much agree with, each time I tell one of my boys what I was allowed to do or did when I was his age he says, 'yeah, Dad, but that was the olden days' - exactly what I said to my Dad - and he's pretty much right (even when he's wrong).
His wife's fears are not irrational, it triedto explain earlier how many women are harassed on the streets from a young age, it might be a minority of men who think it's ok to whistle and call at girls, but it's a big enough minority for it to happen to many many women and girls. (I don't know any woman, and every woman I know doesn't know any woman who has not experienced unwanted sexual attention, with the worst of it happening when in school uniform). Asking them to stop, leave you alone, let you past, makes it worse. I've been punched, been grabbed, had my breasts grabbed, by men who don't like being told no, and it's ####ing scary, I'm not unique, it happens to lots of women, all around the world. And many of us don't mention it, becaue it's dismissed as irrational, and because it can happens so damn often, it's a part of life, I can guarantee you it's not almost unique to the US, it's a worldwide. I'm in the uk and lots of women here fear walking alone at night. I know women from all around the world who fear walking alone at night. It's much much bigger than the US. My husband didn't realise how bad it is, because he just doesn't see it, because cowards who approach lone women leave them alone when they are with a man, one day husband was a bit behind me chatting and some men started shouting at me when I was daughter, ignoring them made them angry and they threatened to "give me what for" Husband couldn't believe I ignored and kept walking, because I'm usually feisty and confident. It's what I've trained myself to do, so I've showed my daughter to ignore too I guess, but my arguing back would have escalated it, and violence is an actual reality, Id rather my daughter witness her mother having a few bad words, than arguing back and being assaulted too. and it's sad, because some nice men just want to ask the time, and I ignore them, because I don't know the man, and I don't know if he's the bad kind or the good kind. So I ignore. That's how I handle myself and make sure I'm safe. Irrational? I don't really care to be honest. I applaud the women who don't fear walking alone, I'm not that strong, so I do it my own way. It's a heavy topic for a gaming site, but I didn't not want to speak. I'm sure the men I've come across on Touch Arcade are nice guys, and some I'd class as proper online friends, however there a lot out there who are not like you guys here, who don't respect women, who think they can say and do whatever they like to women who are who are passing, it's that what makes me fearful of walking alone. Whenever I've spoken on this online it hasn't gone well, and I'm worried of starting an argument, but it's an important topic to me. I know it's hard to see a problem when it doesn't affect you, but ask your Mothers, your sisters, your daughters, your wives what has or makes them scared, ask them their experiences, and when they tell you, listen.
Haha, I'm turning into my Mother more everyday. She's great though, I've appreciated her a lot more since becoming a parent myself.
@September -of course you are correct on a number of thoughts. Too complicated a problem. Too many variables. I think that important action should be tempered by safety, not ruled by it. Is a 14 yo girl riding home at 11 PM on a bike important? Probably not. One could think of a thousand scenarios that are iffy and get many different answers. The question posed ultimately will have to be based on individual values and priorities. There is not a correct answer. I honestly dont know why i even post on these questions. Some inner masochism i guess.
When I said you would never understand what it's like to be a teenage girl, I should have just said "girl", full stop. As Cloud Puff said, throughout her posts above, the experience of being a female is just different. The reality is that a certain segment of the male population reacts to a woman's presence in a way that can cause us to fear for our safety. This is apparent to most females by the time we are teenagers. Most of the time, it is just leering, or catcalls or inappropriate language, but who knows when it could turn into something else? Independence is great... I fully support raising strong, independent kids. But making SMART, SAFE decisions is paramount. Erring on the side of caution with a young teenage girl at night is not going to quash her sense of autonomy. But it WILL help your wife sleep at night.
I hear you all, and appreciate your taking the time to answer.. But for the life of me, I can't figure out any fear at all.... the house is about 7 or 8 houses away... we have street lights, and we are at the back of the development.. Literally a 20 second bike ride. I guess there are more sides than just my side, but I am shaking my head.... not at you, but at the whole notion of what I think of as helicopter parenting. Thanks.
I think this is really the heart of this issue. What kind of parent do you see yourself being and what kind of parent does your wife see herself being. Where do your ideas align and where do they different? Marriages take work and it's doubly true when kids and careers are involved. I don't think either of the options you listed are wrong or right. So the key is work it out with your wife.
You already sound like a mom, tho... I once saw a young girl, maybe 15, getting rude and unwanted attention from two boys while I was boarding a train, so I immediately walked over to her, greeted her warmly, made up a nickname for her and asked her if her mom was feeling better after her illness. We all can help out others. And, no matter where you live, there is always a chance that something bad might happen. From the most noble neighbourhood to the slums. Yet I think we should let our kids more loose instead of choking them with too much care. But I understand what you are saying. There is no way I am able to feel how you feel sometimes, but you have my sympathy to the fullest extend. Some men are just a shame for every man alive.
The one thing I would add is that you should show your child (male or female) that they can trust and count on you. It might not be a far distance at this point and have a bike with them but what happens in a few years further from home and with a car? What if they fear they are not in a safe situation at a party, had a drink or two, etc? Let your child know now that they can call you and you will be there for them --- no matter what. No questions asked (that night - the next morning is another matter)
