Don't try to guess which side I am on...

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Papa Deuce, Aug 14, 2015.

  1. Papa Deuce

    Papa Deuce Well-Known Member

    May 15, 2013
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    just curious what you think....

    My 14 year old daughter called for someone to come and pick her up tonight at 11 PM. She was 2 blocks away, and had her bicycle with her. We live in an almost rural area.... Not quite, but close.

    My wife or I wanted her to ride home, and the other wanted to drive up and pick her up.

    Which side would you be on?

    Wife and I disagree 100% on this.
     
  2. coolpepper43

    coolpepper43 👮 Spam Police 🚓

    Aug 31, 2012
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    It seems like it's less than .5 mile. If your neighborhood isn't dangerous, I would tell her to bike home unless she is afraid of the dark.
     
  3. qdiddy

    qdiddy Well-Known Member

    Jul 24, 2014
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    Well, you could always listen to your wife. That way, if anything goes wrong, it's her fault. And if everything goes ok, then you score brownie points with your wife. And don't worry, your daughter is fourteen and knows how to take care of herself. It seems like something that shouldn't cause friction between you two.

    But when in doubt, talk it out.
     
  4. 7lilwhitewolf7

    7lilwhitewolf7 Well-Known Member

    Feb 1, 2012
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    I'm on the side of i'm not going to pick up my daughter, i am going to pick up OUR Daughter.
    To teach her what lesson? If either one of you have a problem with going to get your child weather or not she is far or close, own transportation or not... What if she was right next door and asked you to come walk her home?
     
  5. Papa Deuce

    Papa Deuce Well-Known Member

    May 15, 2013
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    Well I would tell her she is silly and just to come home.... It's 40 feet away.
     
  6. september

    september Well-Known Member

    Sep 14, 2012
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    Personally I wouldn't take the gamble on my child.
     
  7. Papa Deuce

    Papa Deuce Well-Known Member

    May 15, 2013
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    I will tell you my thoughts after more replies.
     
  8. Anonomation

    Anonomation 👮 Spam Police 🚓

    Is she scared or something? Heck I could walk that distance no prob. Just gotta equip my cheap looking sweat pants and really dark hoodie and walk with it on with my posture a but forward and head leanded a bit and a bit of a bounce and I'm fine.
     
  9. RHess00

    RHess00 Well-Known Member
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    Apr 28, 2012
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    I have a 14 year old daughter and live in a rural area. I would go pick her up if she asked me to.
     
  10. cloudpuff

    cloudpuff Well-Known Member

    Sep 12, 2013
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    I'd go get her.

    When my daughter is old enough to be going out then if for whatever reason she feels uncomfortable coming home alone, one of us will be going to collect her. I've always said this but recently something happened in my neighbour hood (a nice one) that reinforced it. When my daughters old enough to go clubbing, one of us will be sober "just in case", daughter will know that if for whatever reason she needs help getting home, one of us will be there.

    Last week, a man near me was sentenced to jail for 10 years after stalking a local 14 year old schoolgirl for a mile and then dragging her into bushes, he was wearing mask and gloves, thankfully she screamed and someone ran out of their home to help, he didn't get to rape her and ran off like the coward he was, the dickhead was caught, but some if the stuff that's happened after has made me question how people think. It happened at 9pm and comments on Facebook are saying she shouldn't have been out, she should have phoned her parents, she should have ran, she should have,, she shoudlnt have.....everything is about what she should or shoudlnt have done. A 14 year old is being expected to take responsibility for something that wasn't her fault in any way. She'll be reading this shit in Facebook and on too of being dragged into bushes and sexually assaulted, she's being told she could have stopped it. The creep could have stopped it, by not doing it!!

    Anyway, I'd collect her.
    If she scared, talk about it with her.
    If it's because she can't be arsed, talk about it with her.
     
  11. klink

    klink 👮 Spam Police 🚓

    Jul 22, 2013
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    Funny how things that are pretty small get blown up in a family. It's the same way at my house. Either option is fine and totally valid. Just remember happy wife, happy life. :)
     
  12. Coldar

    Coldar Well-Known Member

    Dec 26, 2008
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    #12 Coldar, Aug 14, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2015
    Maybe sounds unusual to have her call (1st time?) to be picked up instead of riding a bike home from a very short distance but imo all the more reason to get her, possibly a matter of something she's worried about but not saying that could become a dangerous situation if she did ride home. I mean, gosh....she's calling for help. Better to be safe than "I should've gotten her" regrets later. No matter what age a person is 14 yrs old or 80, its shouldn't be taken lightly.

    And if one of the parents are saying she needs to become more confident, or independent, etc there are more safer ways of doing it.
     
  13. ALB

    ALB Member

    Jun 11, 2015
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    You should go get her. You will never understand what it's like to be a teenage girl... don't try. Just be there for her when she needs you in these small ways when you can!
     
  14. Papa Deuce

    Papa Deuce Well-Known Member

    May 15, 2013
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    OK, so here is the deal....

    She's not afraid to come home alone... she just called because my wife is terrified that something could happen in the 20 seconds that it would take for her to get home.

    It's funny.... my wife and I both grew up in very bad places, and we are 100% opposites.... I used to walk across a 10 lane road to get to my grandmothers house when I was 8 years old. It was a 1 mile walk.

    My wife never seemed to go more than a block away from her house.

    I'm so frustrated that my wife won't let the kids grow up.

    Hell, when I was 10, I would walk a mile, catch the bus to the mall, stay all day, and come home on the bus..... no big deal.... again, I lived in a bad area. Or, we would ride bikes for 2 miles to get to the closest field to play ball..... my wife worries about a 20 second bike ride..... I just don't get it. And we live in a very safe area, and inside a development.
     
  15. Coldar

    Coldar Well-Known Member

    Dec 26, 2008
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    Depends on the person I suppose but then it could be where you live. When I was younger and living in farm country I'd leave my girlfriends house in the middle of the night and walk through fields and hills spanning over 2 miles. Someone from the city would most likely be scared crapless if they did that as some have never even seen a cow, but then again I'd feel alot more comfortable if armed with a plasma rifle or similiar when going into the inner city of New York.
     
  16. cloudpuff

    cloudpuff Well-Known Member

    Sep 12, 2013
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    #16 cloudpuff, Aug 14, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2015
    It's good that she's not scared, but your wife isn't wrong for feeling how she does.

    I can see why your wife feels the way she does. I can also see why she didn't go much further than a block from her home. My husband walking to the shop at night has a different experience to me. He grabs wallet and goes. I check that I'm wearing flat shoes (in case I need to run) and also have my phone. I'll worry approaching unlit areas. If a man walks towards me, my first reaction is uh- oh. I, a lot of society socialises females to be wary I guess. I remember being taught at school to never walk alone at night, so it makes you think there's something to fear. Many women I know began experiencing cat calling at about 13, and when youre 13 and have grown men making sexual comments it is terrifying, and it makes you wary of going out alone, especially at dark. It doesn't help, that on the rare occasions a women is attacked, the woman is often criticised for being alone on the streets in the first place, so we modify out behaviour to feel safer, I know attacks on men happen, but they don't seem to be told to stick in groups, well lit areas, to not get drunk, to not wear certain clothing etc.

    I dunno what solution is best for your family, and I'm really happy that it wasn't fear that made your daughter phone, but I just wanted to say I can totally understand why your wife feels how she does, she's been the 14 year old girl once, and if her experiences have been like my friends, and other women I know, I can see why she worries.
     
  17. cloudpuff

    cloudpuff Well-Known Member

    Sep 12, 2013
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    This link explains what I mean by modifying behaviour,

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/29-things-women-avoid-doing-out-of-fear-for-our-safety#.hywRraXkM

    ask your wife how many of these she can relate to. I've shocked myself by how many I do or have done.
     
  18. september

    september Well-Known Member

    Sep 14, 2012
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    Without getting too deeply into it I would echo cloudpuffs sentiments, you can't transfer your experiences as a male onto those a teenage girl faces. Unfortunately, it's not that simple and I've been pretty surprised with the ordeals a lot of female relations and friends have had to go through that would be situations we as males take for granted.
     
  19. slamraman

    slamraman Well-Known Member
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    Aug 27, 2011
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    Man, 14 year old and 11pm, my boy wouldn't have called me I'd have been where he was asking what the f**k he thought he was doing at that time of night and brought him home myself. Honestly, though, I'm with Cloudpuff and September all the way.
     
  20. Papa Deuce

    Papa Deuce Well-Known Member

    May 15, 2013
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    Well, we knew exactly where she was, and she was told she could stay there until 11PM.... so that is not part of the issue.
     

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