Other than the weird panda remark, It seems that with your question about anyone reading your review that you started this thread to get people to read your reviews. Thats Chiefy's conspiracy. CONSPIRACY THREAD!
What I don't get from the user reviews is that new star soccer and hello cappucino have like 75,000 views. The rest have between 10,000 to 20,000. Guess they must be promoting their reviews outside of Toucharcade, maybe on the developers website or something. Not really applicable to any of this, but it is interesting.
There's a chance they might be ranking higher up on google as search results too. Although, when I searched "new star soccer review" it didn't show up until the third page. I guess that's decent though.
Don't worry, you're not the only one to wonder where the hell that MasterChief is coming from! The most off-the-wall comments consistantly than anyone here in the forum! Just shake your head and roll your eyes like I do, ignore it, and move on. Sad, really.