Battle Bears NOPZ: Swag and Secrets (FINAL Door open) and A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT (pg 53)

PETE.

We're on a first name basis and I've decided that yours is Pete.

I WOULD tell you all that I have been off learning alchemy and changing ordinary, everyday rocks into super models that know kung-fu, fighting entire Mariachi Bands at a time to the death in "El Mexicano Subterráneo Club de la lucha" and leading a group of ragtag survivalists across an uncharted island inhabited only by indignant deities and "The Others".

I would tell you all that if it didn't make me legally liable for all of the brain aneurysm, head exploding, sock knocking over stimulation you would all incur.

Instead I will whisper unto you the sweet and easily digested "lie" that I have been stoopid busy working to wrangle, corner and shepherd Battle Bears: Negative One Point Zero towards release. She's a feisty one, she is. Even with our ENTIRE TEAM on the project, we're really struggln' along.

Also, in addition to a BRAND NEW CONTEST, I think tomorrow Imma lock the screen door and open the vault. You may look, but you may not touch ;D

See you jiggly human pustules tomorrow <3 :*:*:*

 

A little unceremonious as the CURRENT WORKLOAD doesn't allow me to be as creative and luscious as usual, but I would just kill myself if I couldn't at least entertain you a LITTLE so this week's "contest" is SOEASY.

It is as follows:

#1: Enjoy the lulz
#2: Request to be put into the drawing and IT SHALL BE DONE.
#C: Everyone in the drawing that does NOT win a golden ticket will be put into a second drawing for a signed digital copy of this picture, lovingly made out to the lucky lady who wins it ;D

"CONTEST" ENDS IN TWO WEEKS! ENJOY!



The History Of Oliver

Jail Break Oliver (1925-1925)

September 1925; Oliver is born! Oliver appears for the very first time in the world's first "terrifying moving picture cartoon show". Jailbreak Oliver told the story of a military bear wrongfully accused of the murder of a farmer's three innocent daughters. During his incarceration, Oliver was painted as a "Dirty Commie" in a scandal to raise national ire against the increasingly powerful Soviet Russia. The show, which ran for a solid 12 minutes before it was cancelled, ultimately failed due to its story line being too complex for the average consumer of that era and also because people actually believed there was a bipedal, communistic bear that was packing heat after them and their family and far too many televisions were lost to ignorant, ultra-nationalistic and patriotic gunfire.

Oliver and the Moonshine Bunch (1930-1932)

December 1930- Oliver reappears in the world's first color cartoon "Oliver and the Moonshine Bunch". The show followed Oliver as he drunkenly stumbled through the forest and used his "Boom stick" to take potshots at unsuspecting woodland creatures. Having learned their lessons from their first attempt, the studio decidedly watered down the complexity of the story. Each episode would center around Oliver seeking out or brewing his own "Moonshine" (comically getting his head stuck in a "XXX" labeled jar from time to time- an iconic gag that would be stolen and capitalized on by a rival studio in the future) and staggering around the woods, capturing animals (to which he would refer to on the whole as his "Moonshine Bunch") and then lecturing them on the importance of national security and property ownership. The was ultimately cancelled after a rival studio copied the carton's "Color Technology" and produced a family friendlier cartoon about bushes singing to each other.


Oliver The Bear (1991)

After a hiatus of nearly 6 decades, the studio resurrects its flagship character, Oliver The Bear, and brings him kicking, screaming and shooting off various firearms into every conceivable direction onto the newly released home video game console "HOMEPLAYBoxstation Gamebonanza 3,000". The game, the aptly titled "Oliver the Bear", was incredibly simple, the only real goal being to get Oliver to the right side of the screen as quickly as possible with the highest kill count possible. "Oliver The Bear" had Oliver running through fantastical landscapes at impossible speeds embedding bullets and lobbing grenades into pink blob creatures that would seize Oliver and brutally crush him to death if the player let the two make contact. The game sold well but received criticism from parents including but not limited to "It's far too awesome for my pea-brained 12 year old; please stop" and "Nothing with a head/body/foot size ratio like this creature could possibly run that fast" and "I'm afraid if we support this game it will eventually evolve into an awkward 3D adventure title that will alienate the game's fans and that only the awkward furry people will enjoy".

Oliver Bear (1994)

In an effort to make the game seem more streamlined, the studio dropped "The" from their game's title and released "Oliver Bear" onto the PC. The game was found to be bizarre and off putting to the average video game consumer. The object of the game was to rescue the butch princess "Ursa Maximillia Von Manyteeth" from the sinister Pink Menace, a large and gelatinous pink monster with no teeth. It would obtain sustenance by squeezing its victims into a viscous sludge and pouring the highly nutritious blend into one of its many open sores. For pleasure. The level of realism the game portrayed was frowned upon by some and vomited upon by many. Conversely, the game went on to retroactively inspire such classic movies as "Citizen Kane" and "The Godfather". The studio had truly transcended time.

Oliver-Cosgrove (1998)

Once the entire world had gotten over the shock that "Oliver Bear" soundly delivered to them four years prior, the people were angry and hungry for more. They decried Oliver, calling him a witch, demanding penance for his crimes against them. Despite the studio's best efforts to explain that Oliver was a fictional character, the people rioted and thrashed against the studio's gates. In a last ditch effort to save itself from impending stupid destruction, the studio released Oliver-Cosgrove, claiming to have "magicked Oliver's personality into two beings, so it's totally safe now". The people bought it and then literally bought it. Oliver-Cosgrove was an instant classic, the only real problem being that much of the game turned out to be a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy and the violent nature of Oliver, now residing in the cantankerous, shotgun wielding, grey seagull called "Cosgrove", had begun invading the dreams of children and stealing their personalities to do God knows what with... probably using them to make a necklace or something.

Super Fight Bros. Rumble (1999-2008)

Super Fight Bros. Rumble was not so much a game, per say. It is the gnereal name given to describe the nearly decade long conflict between Earth and Oliver Bear. THe studio had opened pandora's box in attempting to split Oliver's personality in their last game. Doing so caused an irrevocable rift in the IDEA that was Oliver Bear. Mountains shifted, the sea turned to blood and countless disasters struck the planet as the rift in Oliver's personality began to grow, fracturing into pieces and manifesting into many different (and all very lethal) iterations of this complex character's psyche. For nine years they ran amok, shards of Oliver's personality and vestiges of his pink nemesis alike. For nine years the Earth cowered in wonderment and awe struck fear. Villages burned, economies collapsed and entire ecosystems cannibalized themselves. All hoped seemed lost until SkyVu pictures stepped back into the fray to reign in what it had created. Thank God they were successful otherwise not a one of us would be here today, reading our painful yet important to never forget history.

Never forget.

fsjal (2008)

fsjal is the end result of SKyVu pictures struggling to contain what they had created. To seal it away and then take it back to its most basic form. fsjal is their reminder of what happened and what was still possible.

Battle Bears/Battle Bears:NOPZ (2009-2010)

FInally, SkyVu Pictures had managed to distill Oliver into his truest, most pure form. Finally the people of Earth had access to the best game that anyone has ever played anywhere. Finally, there was peace. In the summer of 2009, the godlike, transcendental life forms making up the staff at SkyVu had found the home that Oliver had always belonged to, the iPhone/Touch. Resetting global awareness of Oliver to mask the tragic and action packed past, the SkyVu Team brought Oliver back into the spotlight one last time, fatefully sealing their place in the hearts of millions. Following the grand and very unsurprising success of Battle Bears, SkyVu went on to perform a second miracle around the midpoint of 2010, releasing NOPZ to the delight of every single person on Earth, no exceptions. And the rest, my friends, is history (thathasn'thappenedyet).

 

What, oh, this?

Yeah, that's the vault... Wh-you wanna see what's inside?


WEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL


IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIddunno about that... let me see your credentials.











.....That'll do.


As promised, I shall reveal what's INTHEVAULT. If you end up with a Golden Ticket by the time I'm out of contests, HERE'S WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

EVERY Golden Ticket holder gets a promo code for Batle BEars NOPZ-EVERYONUVYA.

In addition to that, each ticket holder may choose ONE of the following:

Either of these t-shirts




OR!

A signed copy of the ORIGINAL Battle Bears Soundtrack- For srs, we'll print you one up that you can be all touchn', we'll sing it AND send it to you.

OR

A one of a kind art print of ANYTHING you've seen from us. Anything I've ever posted, any frame of any cutscene in the Battle Bears game (and NOPZ if you don't mind waiting for that to come out). I will print you a ONEOFAKIND print, have the original artist/s sign it and we'll send it you ya

AGAIN! ANY picture- for example, you could have a fiiiiine print of any one of the Olivers you see above in this weeks contest OR a sexyfine shot of the Bearbershop Quartet. THE CHOICE IS YOURS.

Get excited

Oh, also, if you absolutely NEED one of those shirts NOW, get thee on over to battlebears.com ;D

 

TRU DAT. This pesky JOB of mine is interfering with actually crafting up MASSIVE contests but, I promise you, my lack of presence here will be made up for IN A BIG WAY once NOPZ comes out ;D

Count on it