Awesome! I did it! Also, my process of elimination thing... not really. I just read the descriptions and looked at the picture. People, its simple! Read the crimes and look at the picture! But yeah, now that I'm done with that... The Facebook game is impossible. The Huggables are hax0rz. How else could they come in such large quantities! Unless they're like rabbits...
Indeed, I haven't been around these parts in some time. My plans of getting us some milk and paying for it in jewelry were foiled on the way to the store that's in the exact opposite direction of the usual milkstore. It turns out those nice men in the windowless primer gray van DIDN'T have any free candy. And just to be clear, YESTHEYTOUCHEDME. But they failed to touch the most special place of all, a place that remains only touched by you... my heart <3. But they did touch my special purpose. A LOT. And when they weren't making me rub the lotion in my skin, I was able to lurk in the shadows of this thread, quietly sizing up my potential Golden Ticket winning peers. I'm not totally sure if I've mentioned this before, but I was the *ahem* FIRST person to win a Golden Ticket. So to everyone else that's won one so far, I'm not trying to say I'm better than you... but I'm better than you. I'll continue to follow this topic to get all the sweaty and slightly salty tasting bits of NOPZ info that I can. As long as mamma bird Lt. Action keeps on regurgitating them into my tiny beak for me, that is. How can I get myself into this circle? I demand my name be placed here, with a rainbowiness equal to or GREATER than Negamaki's. Also, ISITJUSTMEORDOESITSEEMLIKEALLOFUSHEREAREHAVINGAQUASICONTESTTOSEEWHOCANMAKETHELONGESTRAMBLINGSTATEMENTANDCRAMITALLINTOONEGIANTALLCAPSSENTENCETHATISHARDFOREVERYONETOREAD?
Fogfun (3rd): BABABOOM- 6 correct! Has anyone ever told you that you have a very nice process of elimination/trial and error? <3 aznriceboi13 (4th try): THREE correct this time. Almost there deiden26 (6th try): It's okay, some of us develop a little later in life than others, but, the important thing is you've finally blossomed <3 hollerbee: FOUR correct. HOTDAMN you almost had it! D: Will090 (3rd try): SIX CORRECT! OHMYGODMARRYME! Ace 97 (2nd try): TWO correct this time. COMPARE AND CONTRAST! evilhomer (3rd try):SIX CORRECT! Woo to the oot! WELL DONE, SIR! minorpane (3rd try): What number starts with "correct" and ends in "victory"? That's right, YOU RaptorF35: ONE correct. Hey, it's a start Whosatm: FOUR correct. WHOANELLY. Drelbs (2nd try): THREE correct. Man, if you got those three wrong answers RIGHT, you'd be done by now. ImNoSuperMan: THREE correct. Well played, madam. Bag Of Awesome: THREE correct. What a popular number, that 3. Get 3 MORE right and we'll talk ;D WINNERS CIRCLE... Er, POTENTIAL Winner's Circle: evilhomer Fogfun Will090 minorpane deiden26 The "I have no idea what you're talking about but I have a need to please everyone in order to win momentary love and affection" Circle:*** Negamaki BOARDUMB It fills my crusty, black heart full of Love Goo seeing you all try so desperately to win my affection. It's a beautiful thing, having something someone wants and getting off on withholding. Such a beautiful thing is me <3. Its like dangling a spider over an open flame and you spiders are all in luck because, within the next couple of hours, I think I'm going to find a creative new way to dangle you aka I'm gonna come up with some MOAR HINTS. Also, BOARDUMB, know this: ITISFOOLISHTOTHINKTHATIWOULDHOSTACONTESTOVERSOMETHINGINWHCIHIHAVENOEQUAL.NOSUPERIOR.MYABILITYTOCONFUSECONFOUNDANDIRRITATETHEMANYHASNOPEERNOCOMPARABLEMATCH.YOUWILLALLRUETHEDAYYOUSTEPUPTODIRECTLYCHALLENEGI.NOGODOFANYFAITHWILLBETHERETOAIDYOU.YOUWILLBESIMULTANEOUSLYFORSAKENBYEVERYDIETYKNOWNANDYETTOBEREVEALEDTOMAN.THEEARTHITSELFWILLCLOSEANDREFUSETOSWALLOWYOU.SPACEWILLFREEEZEANDREFUSETOACCEPTYOU.FORYOUTHEREWILLBENOREFUGENOSWEETRELEASE.FORYOUTHEENDISETERNITY. Don't let my haphazard manner of threatening you cloud the one fact that is the most truest fact on Earth. My heart can never lie and my heart says <3<3BOARDUMB<3<3.
For your convenience <3 Thanks for "WAITING" everyone that is currently offline and will find everything I've done all at the same time. I will now regale you with the tale of Charles, Bear #4. After you've read this, you will know the story of TWO bears. If you read CAREFULLY AND IN FULL, you will know the answers to TWO bears. TWOBEARS. I implore you, read it through to the end and victory will be yours. Charles: Bear #4 ______________________________________________________________ Charles is a very unfortunate case to be sure, but this of course doesn't excuse the grand series of misfortunes he insisted be brought on others. Charles' questionable path began on the assembly line. Only sixteen steps into his construction he was haplessly struck from the assembly que by a defiant robotic arm (later reprogrammed to be slightly less defiant) and onto the floor. A vagrant Roomba v6.8 Industrial Floor Clearing System found Charles' rigid form and took him in. Right inside of him. The Roomba took it upon itself to program Charles like it was its own child. Being a Roomba it had of course been castrated prior to being brought into service and was unable to yield offspring. It vowed to have Charles vicariously live all of its possible children's lives all at once. Charles spent his early years running around the factory floor, face pressed against the cold metal tiles with mouth agape as he shuffled across the the factory's expanse gathering debris and other bits of waste into his gaping maw in his misinformed life's purpose. Like a Baleen Whale except instead of a whale it's a small robotic teddy bear and instead of krill its industrial waste. One fateful day as Charles was pushing his face across the floor, his tooth (well seated as all the Battle Bears are made to be very sturdy) caught a bolt on the floor and sent Charles tumbling through a door that had been carelessly left open and down an ironic set of stairs. Ironic in what way we may never know. Charles lay in a heap at the bottom of the stairs' landing and remained that way for SECONDS before his pre-installed emergency programming kicked in. Charles has within him a failsafe system that reboots his initial battle protocol should his main circuitry ever become fatally damaged. The system reboot did not however count on there being a whole new set of programmed and executable systems already in place that it was not entirely compatible with; the Roomba's programming. The Back Up Battle System (BUBS) activated and meshed with the programming of the Roomba. This turned Charles into a severely cracked out bigot with genocide, or the cleansing of cultures/races, as his only goal. Everything unlike himself was suddenly regarded as trash meant to be discarded. Also, the fall jumbled up his systems pretty badly and he ended up turning BATCRAP INSANE (as if the previous qualities didn't already qualify him for this). Charles became self conscious of his flagrant nudity and clothed himself with appropriately sized but inappropriately stolen garments from one unfortunate "Dress Me Up Because Children Have Time for that Sort of Thing My Size Calvin Doll". Charles then began gathering Battle Bears fresh off the assembly line and programmed them to worship him and perform his bidding. The "brain"washed bears began referring to Charles as "O Cristo" and carrying out misdeeds in his name. He built himself a small commune out of discarded boxes and bits of metal in an abandoned corner of the factory and preached his delusions to all that resided within. It's safe to say that everything Charles had at this point was, in some capacity, stolen. Three years later, on a reconnaissance mission intended to point out things to himself that he should kill later, Charles ran into two inspectors from the corrupt "Galactic Quality Assurance Bureau" carrying out a routine "inspection" (Aka standing with their backs turned to the vast majority of what they're meant to inspect as a foreman briefs them on how much money they will leave with in their pockets if they can simply resist the urge to do their job). Based only on the fact that he did not recognize either of the inspectors from behind, Charles lunged upon their shared back (the inspector was in fact of the Siamese persuasion) and brutally and slowly murdered them as the foreman stood by and debated whether or not calling the IPEF to his factory was worth the investigation it would subsequently launch. Then it dawned on him. Back to back, the foreman had a good four feet on Charles and a much greater reach. The foreman simply extended his superior reach, grabbed a burlap sack from the wall, stuffed Charles into it along with the body/ies (depending on how you look at it), pinned a note to the sack explaining the theft of the clothes and the murder of the inspector/s, stepped outside and hurled the sack out of the orbit of the Red Planet and in the general direction of last known location of the IPEF's Flagship "The Harbinger". Charles' makeshift craft arrived very impolitely on the windshield of The Harbinger's flight deck and he was immediately apprehended and duly processed for his described crimes. It is the IPEF's policy to hand down sentencing based on nothing more than the word of a written note, as it were. Charles is currently being held in the IPEF's Orbiting Super Jail in solitary confinement awaiting a guard that's not so creeped out by him that he can be taken to the proper processing facility. The charges: A: Insurance fraud, tax evasion and multiple counts of homicide. B:Theft by unlawful taking, vandalism and property damage and public indecency. C:Arson, grand theft auto, resisting arrest, 16 counts of 1st degree murder, impersonating an officer, theft by unlawful taking, 146 accounts of assault. D:Impersonating an officer and public indecency. E:Theft by unlawful taking, double homicide and being effing crazy. F:Triple Homicide and resisting arrest. ALSO for your convenience, you can read the story of David, Bear #1 HERE near the very bottom of the page. GOODLUCK
CONTEST/S UPDATE: Facebook SHOOTEMUP Contest ends THURSDAY around 5pm central time. Simply play the facebook version of battle bears and post a SCREEN SHOT of your score here ( MOAR DETAILS midway down ) Facebook Huggable Killing Simulator Contest Standing aznriceboi13 (265 kills*92% accuracy)= 243.8 Wosatm (255 kills*95% accuracy)= 242.25 Will090 (158 Kills*92% accuracy)= 145.36 NegamakWHAT9,000?! AWWWWSNAP! Wosatm! You're losing by 1.5 points D: Serial Bear Super Sleuth CSI (Details on page 1- Contest ends April 2nd). Fogfun (3rd): BABABOOM- 6 correct! Has anyone ever told you that you have a very nice process of elimination/trial and error? <3 aznriceboi13 (4th try): THREE correct this time. Almost there deiden26 (6th try): It's okay, some of us develop a little later in life than others, but, the important thing is you've finally blossomed <3 hollerbee: FOUR correct. HOTDAMN you almost had it! D: Will090 (3rd try): SIX CORRECT! OHMYGODMARRYME! Ace 97 (2nd try): TWO correct this time. COMPARE AND CONTRAST! evilhomer (3rd try):SIX CORRECT! Woo to the oot! WELL DONE, SIR! minorpane (3rd try): What number starts with "correct" and ends in "victory"? That's right, YOU RaptorF35: ONE correct. Hey, it's a start Whosatm: FOUR correct. WHOANELLY. drelbs (3rd try): Third try IS a charm. The coyest, charmiest sonuvagunnumber there ever was <3 ImNoSuperMan: THREE correct. Well played, madam. Bag Of Awesome: THREE correct. What a popular number, that 3. Get 3 MORE right and we'll talk ;D WINNERS CIRCLE... Er, POTENTIAL Winner's Circle: evilhomer Fogfun Will090 minorpane deiden26 drelbs The "I have no idea what you're talking about but I have a need to please everyone in order to win momentary love and affection" Circle:*** Negamaki BOARDUMB
Huzzah! I made it! Tea for everyone! I just put the kettle on! Actually, that's a load of bollocks - while I may possess a stunning Golden Tea Kit, I'm drinking coffee right now. Superfall just told me "ITS TIME TO BED" - that may be a sign...
Tony, you should have taken up creative writing instead of developing/drawing cute bears. Or maybe you should have been a comedian.. Or a prostitute.
Oh. My. God. That story was amazing. GIVEMEMOARNAOW. YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!¡!!!¡!!! *FISTPUMP* I'm in the circle!! Negamaki we are TOTALLY spooning!!!
Ladies and Gentlebears, I present the following warning: The above is what could very well happen if the Huggables are not stopped. Please support your local Battle Bears. That is all.
Must you instigate another propoganda war? Must we light TouchArcade aflame with our hued text and coats of arms? If you bring the battle to us again ,we will fight, but be warned we will not fall again. Only your sheer numbers defeated us last time
Grope me! Grope me! Grope me! I mean, *clears throat* nothing to see here folks. *whistles and nonchalantly walks off into the sunset*
Tres Bien CONTEST/S UPDATE: Facebook SHOOTEMUP Contest ends TODAY around 5pm central time. Simply play the facebook version of battle bears and post a SCREEN SHOT of your score here ( MOAR DETAILS midway down ) Facebook Huggable Killing Simulator Contest Standing aznriceboi13 (265 kills*92% accuracy)= 243.8 Wosatm (255 kills*95% accuracy)= 242.25 Will090 (158 Kills*92% accuracy)= 145.36 NegamakWHAT9,000?! AWWWWSNAP! Wosatm! You're losing by 1.5 points D: Serial Bear Super Sleuth CSI (Details on page 1- Contest ends April 2nd). Fogfun (3rd): BABABOOM- 6 correct! Has anyone ever told you that you have a very nice process of elimination/trial and error? <3 aznriceboi13 (5th try): FOUR correct. Couple moar and YOUGOTIT. deiden26 (6th try): It's okay, some of us develop a little later in life than others, but, the important thing is you've finally blossomed <3 hollerbee: FOUR correct. HOTDAMN you almost had it! D: Will090 (3rd try): SIX CORRECT! OHMYGODMARRYME! Ace 97 (2nd try): TWO correct this time. COMPARE AND CONTRAST! evilhomer (3rd try):SIX CORRECT! Woo to the oot! WELL DONE, SIR! minorpane (3rd try): What number starts with "correct" and ends in "victory"? That's right, YOU RaptorF35: ONE correct. Hey, it's a start Whosatm: FOUR correct. WHOANELLY. drelbs (3rd try): Third try IS a charm. The coyest, charmiest sonuvagunnumber there ever was <3 ImNoSuperMan: THREE correct. Well played, madam. Bag Of Awesome: THREE correct. What a popular number, that 3. Get 3 MORE right and we'll talk ;D WINNERS CIRCLE... Er, POTENTIAL Winner's Circle: evilhomer Fogfun Will090 minorpane deiden26 drelbs The "I have no idea what you're talking about but I have a need to please everyone in order to win momentary love and affection" Circle:*** Negamaki BOARDUMB minorpane Gentlemen, and that one guy that pretends as a lady, TODAY the facebook contest comes to a SEXY HALT and a Golden Ticket will be awarded to the person with the highest composite score. aznriceboi13 is currently leading the charge and, if the current trend continues, I might as well write out his ticket NOW and send him on a fantastical journey through the land of prizes, needlessly gilded objects, childhood wonders free of adult responsibilities and clothes shopping. .... Why would the vault be absent of clothes shopping? I'm sure that makes sense if you think about it for more than three seconds, give or take. TO SUM UP: *Facebook contest ends TODAY. Get off of those firm buns and press them squarely into the Battle Bears victory circle. *aznriceboi is probably gonna win. SECRET SUMS: *We have another week in the current contest so take your fat brain out of the dishwasher where I saw you leave it and put it to work. *The calendar is all kinds of muffed up and I will explain that AS SOON AS I THINK OF AN AMUSING WAY TO DO SO. The only thing YOU need to know now is that the reason for this is the most life affirming, best thing that has and ever will happen to you. For some of you, this is very sad.
