Apollo 11: The Truth

Forty-one years ago today, three well-known men and countless others made history by putting an end to the Space Race. Neil Armstrong's words will forever ring out in history as testament to the willpower and tenacity of mankind when facing impossible odds. Because of those three men, several others have made the journey to that Final Frontier to complete various scientific tests, discoveries, and phenomena to better our lives planetside. The importance of their journey cannot be denied while looking at all we have accomplished because of it.

Or can it? Even today, claims have been made that the moon landing was faked, even recorded using high-tech equipment. I wholeheartedly agree with these claims. The evidence is insurmountable against a moon-landing occurring on that fateful day.

How so, you may ask? Frankly, this question shouldn't be even asked in the first place. NASA is a branch of the federal government, and thus has access to their massive knowledge and skill of constructing massive cover-ups. It is a well-known fact that the government has had access to resources that are generally thought of as high-tech now as long as three or four decades ago, and has been able to withhold these devices from the public until an acceptable time. Is it so hard to discern that a cover-up for the moon landing would be possible?

But I digress. The true story of the "moon landing" follows as such. The aliens who humans descended from millions of years ago when they mated with cavemen came back to our solar system riding on electric unicorns to check on our technological progression. Apollo 11, during its fateful trip towards our sole natural satellite, was confiscated by the aliens to be examined, so as to not have to risk detection by going stateside to capture other human guinea pigs. They discovered that our progression along their preferred evolution track was much too fast; we would soon be able to develop the secret behind their galactic domination: the Glarktob, or translated to English, the iPad. This simply would not do to have two massive powers in the galaxy with such devastating technology. To hinder our progress, the aliens went back in time and caused Julius Caesar's comrades to murder him in that fateful session of Grecian Congress. This sole action in history would later cause the company Microsoft to come to power, hindering Apple's rise to global domination and the creation of the iWorld. ("You already live here. But it's about to get magical.") Other massive events that were changed include the destruction of Atlantis, the rise of Lord Malak and his massive takeover of the Sith, Frodo's destruction of the ring, green pills no longer existing in place of blue or red pills, the loss of the ability to harness power from human flatulence, as well as the destruction of a small town that would have been known as Eureka, showcased on SyFy. These are but a few of the changes put in place by the aliens' actions.

This in turn kept the iPad from realizing its true potential, being created with only 1 GHz, no USB port and no Flash. However, the aliens could not hide their secret any longer, as the US government began to start asking why their top-of-the-line spacecraft had not responded for two hours. The aliens returned the astronauts but destroyed the Apollo 11 by using their unicorns' laser eyeballs to hinder our progress even more. NASA, to avoid yet another lay-off period, released a recorded moon landing to effectively destroy the USSR and raise the country's morale as the government prepared to go to yet another useless war which they would use to boost government funds after a fairly large global recession spun by Mr. Carter.

So there you have it. Feel free to bash this as much as you want, but no matter how hard you try, I'll still call for this thread to be locked, compare myself falsely to the Founding Fathers for my never-to-occur ideas, and mindlessly post how I have Asperger's and at least twenty-seven other lesser-known conditions in a hope that nobody knows what the true symptoms are so they can't call my bluff.

Oh, and all these facts are posted on Encyclopedia Dramatica, so they're true and you know it, as true as the fact that Kirk was better than Picard.

And with this I bid you adieu, my fellow Touch Arcadians.

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P.S.: Everyone wish Nephilim Apps a happy National Lollipop Day.

 

I prefer "The NA Fact."

 

I think he can still read it... He just can't post here.

 

I think you need to re-read the post.