I know this may sound really nerdy, but I sort of write my own comics. Well there acually comic scripts, since I cant draw well. I was wondering if anyonw would be qilling to guve me some feedback on my first comic script. its only about 2 or 3 pages long.
It is unfortunate that you can't draw well. Most of the appeal in comics is through the artwork. I would urge you to put some effort into doing any kind of artwork to convey your ideas, even if they are stick figures. Look at the popularity of XKCD, The Oatmeal and Happiness and Cyanide. I know those are comic 'strips', but the idea is still there. Hopefully your writing is better than the spelling in your post. There are at least 4 spelling errors. If you really need someone to read your script, I could do it. Who knows, maybe I'll convert it to a game for you. It would be helpful to know your age, level of education, country and influences. If you are under 18, your age isn't required- it just provides a reference to your life experience. I would judge a college graduate much harder than I would a 14 year old.
ME! I mainly focus on the entire DC Universe as I enjoy the universe and characters more. But every now and then I will buy an issue of Spiderman lol. I have been into comics from an early age because my Grandfather has been collecting comics since the Golden Age (I even have a copy of Action Comics #1 locked inside a sage inside my house (along with other valuables but that is the most important.) Also I am pretty frustrated that they are bringing Bruce back (I never though I would ever say that) cause I just think he should have stayed dead. I mean I can't believe it but I actually LOVE Dick as Batman even more than Bruce and Damian is the most Bad-Ass Robin ever! I think that Damian may be taken out of the role if Bruce decides to become TDK again... I also am working on my own branch of characters so I can hopefully someday start up my own branch of Comics.
Yeah sorry about the spelling errors guys, I'm on my iPod right now. I'm going to post the script as soon as I get home since you seemto be intresteded. Thanks.
Here it is. My first comic script. Just a short story, I think it's pretty good. I'd love to have an idea of what I'm doing wrong if you don't like it. EDIT: sorry iforgot that TA stars the bad words, you should be able to fugue it out though. Aftermath Page One Panel One - Half *page A close up of a discarded gas mask lying in the sand. Internal 1 Its just me. Internal 2 All alone. Panel Two - 1/4 Page Same as panel one, now with boots next to the mask. Internal 1 No one else. Internal 2 And how would I possibly know? Panel Three - 1/4 Page The same area of sand, now the mask and boots are gone. Internal 1 I did it, it was all me. Page Two Panel One - 1/4 Page A man, average size, wearing a tan hooded sweatshirt, tan cargo pants, knee pads, elbow pads, a gas mask, and a shoulder holster with a Beretta 92 in it, stands on the very edge of a cliff. Thomas 1 **** me Internal 1 Another ****ing cliff. No... *I did it, I killed them all, No... Panel Two - 1/4 Page Back of Thomas on the cliff, looking into the distance, sees a glint of the sun on a sniper scope. Internal 1 I did it, I did it myself. Personally. I did it all by myself. Panel Three - 1/4 Page A flashback to a missile control center. Five men sit in chairs behind a control board. Large screens are on the front wall that contains radars and such. Internal 1 It can't be. I ****ing did it. I ****ing did it with my own hands. Panel Four - 1/4 Page A screen asks, " Launch all remaining missiles?", a finger pushes the button right below the screen. Internal 1 I hit the ****ing button, didn’t even hesitate, I did it all by myself. Page Three Eight separate panels, all with a mushroom cloud over a major city. Internal 1 This was only the half of it. Page Four Panel One - Half Page Sand, the top of a skyscraper is showing. Internal 1 I was a pussy. I hid. So did three of the others that worked with me. How could anyone else have known. Panel Two - Half Page Different sand, with a trap door open. Two men helping one out of the hole. *One other standing looking into the distance. Page Five Panel One - 1/4 Page The same four men huddled in a makeshift tent together. Internal 1 Something about each of them, something I couldn’t stand. The worst that night was the heavy breathing, how ****ing hard is it to do it quietly? Panel Two - 1/4 Page A man kneeling over another in the tent. His hands locked around the others thought. Internal 1 I had had enough. Peaceful again. Panel Three - 1/4 Page A funeral with three men standing over a hole in the ground. Internal 1 They thought it was natural. Internal2 should have checked themselves. If only they checked his neck. Panel Four - 1/4 Page Two men crying above a hole in the ground. One man just staring. Internal 1 Had they not been pussies around death, had they checked, they could have been saved. Page Six Panel One - 1/2 Page Shows one man standing by a tent, two others walking off in the distance. Internal 1 Went out to hunt, he had no idea Internal 2 I’ve never heard a man complain as much as this one, couldn’t stand it. Panel Two - 1/4 page Back of mans head, a rock in other mans hand Internal 1 I did it with a ****ing rock, like an animal. A ****ing rock, in the back of the head too, like a pussy. Panel Three - 1/4 page A man bleeding from the back of the head, lying on the ground, half covered in sand. Internal 1 Told him all the animals were mutated, said they chased us and we split, said i was the lucky one. If only he had checked. Page Seven Panel One - 1/2 page Another funeral. No hole this time. Only one man crying. Internal 1 All he had to do was check. Panel Two - 1/4 page Two men standing outside the tent, sunrise. Internal 1 I did it at sunrise, how nice. Internal 2 Saved the worst for last, couldn’t stand this ****s voice, id make him suffer. Panel Three - 1/4 page Only shadows, one man grabs a piece of wood from the ground. Internal 1 So perfect. Page Eight Panel One - Half page Man with wood hits the other in the knee cap. Internal 1 screamed in that awful voice. Made me want to do more. He had to suffer. Panel Two - Half page Man drops piece of wood, starts to walk away from man laying on the ground withering in pain. Internal 1 Left him there. Page Nine Splash page Thomas's bloodshot eye through the glass of the gas mask. Internal 1 I did it. I ****ing killed them all. Page Ten Panel One - 1/2 page Back of Thomas, glint of the scope in the distance. Internal 1 No, I did it. I killed everyone, all of them dead. Internal 2 I should have checked. Panel Two - Half page Thomas's head explodes as the bullet passes through his forehead and the gunshot is heard. Page Eleven Splash page A knee with a makeshift brace on it is shown along with the barrel an scope of a rifle.
Well here is my take. The premise of what I read seemed interesting however you were a little repetitive with some of things Thomas says or does if you shortened it down a bit it could be a lot better of a read. Also some questions about the comic. At the beginning is it like the current time and the rest after him on the hill with this gas mask on a flashback of events happening before this post-apocalyptic area Thomas in in at the beginning? But overall seems intriguing, not entirely original but still sound really interesting from what I read.
Thanks for you feedback nephilin. To answer your question, the beginging is the current time and he is flashing back to when he is with the others. Haha thanks also LordVader
Hm sounds really intriguing you should continue working on it and if you don't think you drawing skills are up to par just do some rough sketches and show them off along with the story to maybe a friend who is a good enough drawer.
Yeah the rough sketches is a good idea I could probally handle that. Also this was more or less meant to be just a short story kind of, bu I guess I could continue it.
Beginning's a bit of a cliche. A lone hero (or anti-hero) alone after the act is done, contemplating about what he did.
I agree with this post. I think you should expand your reading, and perhaps mellow out a little. The Sandman, Neil Gaiman Good-Bye, Chunky Rice, Craig Thompson Blankets, Craig Thompson Jimmy Corrigan, Chris Ware Anything by Junji Ito Identity Crisis, Brad Meltzer The Long Halloween, Jeph Leob As for art- i really wouldn't worry about that. With the exception of the Manga industry, the majority of comics are written and drawn by more than one person. Usually there's a writer and a separate person doing art. p.s.: Dark Horse comics takes unsolicited comic book scripts. There's info on their site.
It kept me intrigued, but I'll admit that I don't read comics very often. Even if this story is cliche', it kept me reading to find out more. I imagine this story could lead to some mind-blowing artwork. While 'I did it' does get a bit repetitive, the repetition of 'they should have checked' didn't bother me at all. It added to the intrigue. I kept imagining the world of Heavy Metal or F.A.K.K while reading this. If you haven't seen Heavy Metal, watch it now.
@Kamazar thanks I didn't really notice that, but now I do see it, thanks. @Skymuffin Thanks also, and thanks for the list of reading I've been looking for new things to read, and the long Halloween is one of my favorites. @Flickkitty Thanks again ha. I did think that was a little repetitive. I'm gonna put some work into this and fix ally e things you guys helped with, I really can't thank you enough. I went on a legit comics fourm that had a seprate plae fir scripts and such, I poste this and I got zero replies in 5 days haha I shouldve came here first. Thanks again and I'm still open for more critic.
Not bad, the dialogue needs polishing, like people have said, a lot of it is just repetitive, which is fine, but say instead of "I killed all of them" for the third time it could be something like "6 billion of them. I killed every last one". I'd also change "pussy" to "coward", but that might be more to personal taste The final reveal was a little weak I thought, only because it was slightly predictable, but it could be remedied by making the maiming scene more powerful, leave more doubt in the readers mind that he could have survived, maybe more about those "mutated animals" closing in around him or something. It could also help to stretch out his 'demise', as Thomas says internally he wants him to suffer, he wants to stretch it out, maybe he could give him a savage beating with the hit to the knee being the final blow (could accent it more than the rest of the beating in the artwork). I think there's some potential there, the concept is good and it's well structured, with the right artist it could be a great piece.
