CITIZENS of touch arcade! I have come to reveal a terrible secret to you all! A secret that may even wind up DESTROYING touch arcade, as unfortunate as that may be, due to it's terrible nature... You see, and this isn't easy to admit, Eli is not who you think he is. Nor is he the pineapple, so please get that out of your heads. There is no evil fruit conspiracy to destroy apple for not naming themselves after better fruit like mangoes and pineapples. All such accusations are swamp gas and should you believe them, you are to report to the moderators for reeducation. NAH! After YEARS OF RESEARCH and FEIRCE GUN BATTLES with ENORMUS SACRIFICES, a crack team of commandos including myself and CYGNET 7 have uncovered the truth. THIS IS YOUR LEADER! LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT! EVERYONE LOOK AT IT! This site, is a WEB OF LIES, designed to slowly break down PUBLIC PERCEPTION OF APPLE! BILL GATES uses the handle ELI HODAPP to bring out MASSIVE ISSUSES in the APP STORE, while IGNORING GEMS AND GENUINE GOOD! The good falls to obscurity and only the bad goes on. In result, THE APP STORE IS DESTROYED because ELI, WHO IS CONFIRMED TO BE BILL GATES, MANIPULATES YOU ALL ONLY TO SEE BAD THINGS THUS SINKING ANY GOOD INIATIVE APPLE TAKES! Don't let THE TRUTH DIE! REPOST THIS! REBLOG IT! LET JIM STERLING KNOW! As I finish, a helicopter containing MICROSOFT'S FINEST COMMANDOS closes in on my position. I may not make it out alive. Cygnet, tell the REDHEAD BIKER WOMAN that I loved her!
