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Like the toys of childhoods long past, I have left you all in the dark gathering dust. Some of you may even be slowly yellowing like our old...
I see you all as precious children to me, small frail bodies whom, if left alone, would cannibalize one another until only one was left with a...
Hey, how was your New Years? Make any stupid, untenable resolutions? Stop resisting cramming those sweets in your mouth and open wide; Lt....
Many thanks, benevolent and all powerful NOEN <3 This is a hard thing to talk about without it sounding like a gimmicky sound bite, but when we...
Everybody shut up and look at this! [img] In just 24 hours we've accumulated over 5,300 more Golden Cows! Doesn't it feel good to just...
Gaze upon this and attempt to comprehend it IF YOU DARE. [img] Your eyes do not deceive you, friends. We are over 7% to our goal! When we...
What is this, the e-unicorn of our age?! LT. ACTION APPEARS TWICE IN ONE DAY? Keep your shirt on (your pants can stay off, though). Also, you...
I am as the lonely transient, sitting idle on the median on App Street. My strategy isn't to hold out my hand expectantly, however, quite the...
Even though our Christmas tree is artificial, I will be pruning it to resemble as closely as possible the benevolent silhouette of NOEN. His...
I made a list, I checked it twice, and somehow your name was on it. Somehow. Even after what you did. How could it be? Well, Lt. Action...
How can you just sit there knowing that people are out there sucking up cows? THAT COULD BE YOU. [media] ALSO! Park your sweet tush in front...
Peel back that flap of skin covering those ocular water sacks of yours, you're gonna wanna make sure there's enough clearance for this HUGE NEW...
YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN, NOEN. I could give you a character for free and get your ever lasting love in return. Or I could do nothing, let you...
Hey, NOEN, since you're such a great guy, I'll tell you and only you a secret. Use your special NOEN senses to decipher the following message:...
He's making a list, glancing at it (sort of) and then setting fire to anything and everything around him! Find out tomorrow who's finding his...
Those eyes I watched you pluck out of a Hawk's head and pinch into place with your brow muscles like some kind of horror-monocle have served you...
Truly, our maestro knows his way around a tune. If you wish to punish your future self by harvesting some catchy tunes you won't be able to...
I was born among fire and brimstone and hate. I was taught to defile. I was raised to destroy. In light of this, however, I have overcome my...
What a twist indeed, NOEN. We have arrived in my ideal world. NO ONE IS A WINNER. No one but ME. Now, we've got some exciting new updates in...
As I look out into the yawning halls of this topic, a cold dread creeps over me. Where has everyone gone? Was the challenge more than they...