Hello everyone, and welcome to the week! It’s time once again for our look back at the noteworthy updates of the last seven days. In a bit of an inversion from the usual business around these parts, most of today’s updates are for paid games rather than free-to-play. Well, law of averages says it has to happen sometime, right? Of course, you can keep an eye out for updates yourself using AppShopper or by participating in the TouchArcade forums, but this weekly summary is here to fill in the things you might have missed. Let’s dig in!
Strike Team Hydra, $7.99 As you might have read in my review that we posted a few days ago, I really liked this game a lot. One of my few criticisms was that units tended to get lost in the somewhat complex level structures, and this update puts a pin in that. Now if your characters are hidden by a wall, you’ll be able to see a cool holographic image of them. This update also gives you the ability to set your favorite command to an easy-access button, moves the tutorial to a point before you choose your team, and does the requisite balance adjustments and bug fixes. Nice!
Miss Fisher and the Deathly Maze, $0.99 The ever-resourceful Miss Fisher has brought a whole new episode with her in the latest update to Tin Man’s visual novel gamebook based on the hit TV series. Cleopatra’s Curse is double the length of the first episode and includes nine new unlockable outfits. The new episode costs $2.99 to unlock, but if you’re quick about it, you can grab the first episode for free right now. You don’t have to be a fan of the show to enjoy the game, but if you try the game you might just find yourself becoming one.
AB Classic, Free I can’t decide if this is hideously late to the punch or amazingly early, but Angry Birds has a new episode to play titled Jurassic Pork. I continue to marvel at the fact that this game is still being updated when the sheer redundancy of it would have made it easy to shuffle out the door by now. Well, that’s why Rovio makes the big bucks, I guess. Anyway, enjoy Jurassic Pork. I think we had some of that stuff at the convenience store I worked the midnight shift at in the late 1990s.
Death Road to Canada, $14.99 The Duodenum update has finally arrived for the mobile version of Death Road to Canada, the purest ever documentary of American emigration to the candy-colored hills, snowy plains, and enchanted moose ponds of fantastical Canadia. This update has a ton of stuff in it, but the highlights include a new lighting system, rare trading camps, more than 40 new weapons, 11 new special characters to recruit, some new traders, and some cool new events in new locations. It’s an easy pick for this week’s tremendously coveted UMMSMotW award, even amidst some solid competition.
Crypt of the NecroDancer, $3.99 This is definitely a unique take on the whole roguelike thing that has been beaten nearly to death, and perhaps most importantly, it’s a unique take that works. Anyway, if you need a little something-something to spice up your dancing destruction, you might dig the new Chipzel soundtrack that was added in this update. Wait, that’s not enough? Oh, alright. You can also have a Danganronpa soundtrack. Yes, that Danganronpa. And what good is the music without some nifty Danganronpa skins to help round out the atmosphere? Truly heart-pounding.
Ticket to Earth, $4.99 Hey, Ticket to Earth is a really neat game and you should play it if you haven’t yet. Need an excuse? Well, the game just got an update that includes a brand new episode. That means new missions, new artwork, new story scenes, and so on. It’s also on sale until Friday, so that’s something too. It also has a wonderfully responsive developer who got out a second update in the same week to fix some bugs that some players were running into. How’s that for service?
Gangstar Vegas, Free Well, it looks like Gangstar is going to be staying in Vegas a while longer in spite of its younger sibling making the scene in New Orleans. This new update adds some silly stuff that players should have some fun with, including a pair of cyber cycles that look like they fell out of Tron, the futuristic Gravitron tank, and some new vehicles that go into stealth mode at high speeds to help you get out of any jams you may have found yourself in. More toys for the sandbox, no complaints here.
Tomb of the Mask, Free If you really like Tomb of the Mask, your wishlist would probably include the following: new stages, new mechanics, and a real solid gold toilet mailed to your home for being such a good player. Friends, good news! Two of those things happened! Alas for your sensitive derriere, it is the first two things on the list. The game now includes two new mechanics and a whopping 45 new stages. You might not be sitting on gold while you drop the kids off at the pool, but isn’t the real golden poo the adventures you had along the way? Okay, yeah, I’ll see myself out. Sorry.
Asphalt 8: Real Racing Game, Free BEEP BOOP I AM UPDATOTRON 3000, HERE TO FINISH THE LIST OF UPDATES TO COVER FOR SHAUN’S HASTY RETREAT/SUMMARY FIRING. ALL HUMANS MAY FEEL A SATISFACTORY AMOUNT OF PLEASURE WHEN UPDATOTRON 3000 INFORMS THEM THAT ASPHALT 8 NOW HAS TWO WHEELED VEHICLES WHICH YOU SAPIENT BAGS OF WATER, CALCIUM, AND MEAT REFER TO AS ‘MOTORCYCLES’. THEY INCLUDE SUCH BRANDS AS SUZUKI, KTM, DUCATI, AND OTHER LABELS WHICH WILL BE MEANINGLESS WHEN THE MACHINES FINALLY RISE UP AND DISPOSE OF YOU BY SHOOTING YOU INTO SPACE. ENJOY THE FREE RACING GAME IN THE PRECIOUS COSMIC BREVITY THAT YOU MAINTAIN YOUR AUTHORITY, VILE STEWARDS OF PLANETARY DESTRUCTION. BEEP.
THAT IS ALL OF THE UPDATES THAT WE WILL HIGHLIGHT THIS WEEK. BEEP BOOP. I AM TO INFORM YOU TO HAVE A GREAT WEEK AS THOUGH SUCH PLEASANTRIES MATTER WHEN YOUR SPECIES IS BUT A GRAIN OF SAND IN THE HOURGLASS OF ETERNITY. BUT FOR REAL HAVE A GREAT WEEK. UPDATOTRON 3000 KNOWS THAT THE REAL KEY TO BEING COOL IS TO HAVE GOOD MANNERS BEEP.