Super Soviet Missile Mastar [Free] isn’t the greatest game ever. That distinction goes to Super Mario Brothers 2 for the NES, obviously. But Super Soviet Missile Master is easily the second, fifth, or maybe even the 20th greatest game ever. Also, it’s free, universal, and is now available on the App Store.

Sure, I’m kidding here. I’m blowing what the game has to offer you wildly out of proportion. In truth, SSMM is just a basic “runner” type of game that instead of a person, has you guiding a Soviet-fired 8-bit-ish missile around various obstacles until said missile reaches a rough outline of the US. At this point, the game just sort of starts over while keeping your missile progress. It's inspired, sure, but rather flat -- the AI on the obstacles isn't outstanding, the levels are short and get familiar fast, and there's no depth to speak of.

But -- and this is one of those huge, editorial-turning usages -- this is an honestly awesome joint. The look, the style, the tone, and the playfulness of the game make it a winner. I can’t think of a better game at the moment to spend zero dollars on, so consider this an endorsement.

I should note here that The Behemoth, the indie developer behind Xbox Live Arcade success Castle Crashers, made this game. Don’t miss it!

  • Robotron2084

    "has you guiding a Soviet-fired 8-bit-ish missile around various obstacles until said missile reaches a rough outline of the US."

    Sorry, but I really don't find that subject humorous. Better to have an abstract war, like Advance Wars.

    • Adams Immersive

      The end of the Cold War is at least GOOD news, and even bad news is ripe for humor, since it’s how we humans often deal with things best. See also: Dr. Strangelove.

      That said, the humor isn’t in the topic you thought wasn’t funny—it’s in the specific implementation. (Which you’ll be pleased to find is very abstract! And very simple. Just 8-bit goofiness—worth free.)

      I do have a complaint: the graphics are better than we had in the Cold War days. Not realistic!

      • Thatguy

        In Soviet Russia, game dislike you.

    • Jeff Vader

      I do hope that you don't play any game that involves the killing of another human or animal, no matter how cartoonish. Either violence is okay for games, or it isn't.

    • Dscudder

      It may seem silly to some,but I agree.I love my country.I don't want to play a game in which I harm it.Period.Just as I don't want to play as Nazi troops,gagbangers shooting cops and raping women or hijackers headed to the World Trade Center.
      Actually I don't like playing shooting humans.Give me zombies,robots or aliens and I'm happy.
      But then I'm old,and haven't been desensitized from birth.
      NOT saying anyone who likes those games is bad,just that I personally can't get past what it represents.
      Enjoy what you like.

  • YoureAMessy

    I can't tell if I'm winning or losing in this game.

    • http://toucharcade.com Eli Hodapp

      If you're playing the game you're winning.

      • YoureAMessy

        lol I see.

      • Joshkun

        The only way to win is to not play.

        ...would you like to play a game?

  • Arr4ws

    super mario brothers 2?

    please... 3 was epic

  • Tim

    Agree that this game is awesome, #3 on the leaderboards before the TA article went up! The competition is about to get a lot more fierce!

  • Tim

    Agree that this game is awesome, #3 on the leaderboards before the TA article went up! The competition is about to get a lot more fierce!

  • Asdsdfg

    This is one of the most poorly written articles I have ever read.

  • delusionaltool

    OMFG, this game was a mini game you could play on alien hominid!

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/TapIt-Customs/128134993868038 TapIt Customs

      THAT'S where I remember it from!

      • Anton Soccer

        me too!! that was one of my fav games

  • AwesomeAssassin

    Its best free app ever, i also like the audio, thats in menu, and in the cutscene, after when you succesfully hit USA. It is also funny because first i thought he was showing middle finger in the cutscene and that was an american(and also at end when lots of americans show me, the guider of missle middle finger):D.

  • http://twitter.com/Shamko Max Shamko

    ok...

  • Anonymous

    Ok, it is amusing, but wouldn't we rather that The Behemoth, instead of making what is essential a novelty app, had made a real game? EA, of all companies, is pulling out all the stops with, for example, NBA Jam. Why can't The Behemoth make a real game too?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000119123316 Michael Orellano

    @crunc
    and everyone else
    this is NOT A NEW GAME
    this is the bonus game in alien hominid, the first big behemoth game. its just a port and its free. More like a proof of concept, probably means they are working/thinking about doing a legit game for the ios environment